Ah-Ha

Have you ever heard that expression? Someone had their 'ah- ha' moment? whether it be, they saw that they needed to lose weight, or they did something the wrong way, or realized that wait a minute, if I do this, I will get a different outcome!?

Well I had one today. My ah-ha moment is that I realize that people think I am spoiled and don't know how to fend for myself or take care of anything. Which, as I'm standing here, feeling sick to my stomach, maybe it's true? My parents have sheltered/spoiled/taken care of/ looked out for, me on overtime since we found out I had arthritis. Maybe I did take that for granted? I always always appreciated it though. I have been blessed with such great parents. But there comes a time where you need to grow up, mine is now, since I can no longer be covered under their insurance.
Deep breath, and no crying.


My dad has excellent insurance, and now as I am trying to find my own, and figure out a way to pay for it(my car, my credit card, my cell phone, my many medications, dr. visits, etc) I am a little worried. I am also trying to not to freak out over the information overload. I have no idea what any of the insurance jargon means, or if it's a good 'deal' for my situation, or if it's too much money, or if I should call this number for 'kids' getting off of their parents insurance. . . . which I don't want to do, I just want to be able to do one damn thing by myself.
This is where certain people, have made me feel ridiculous for asking certain questions, or not knowing certain things. Certain people, that just offer up their opinion, my feelings be damned. I feel like I am going to make a mistake because now I feel like I have to prove it to everyone around me(with the exceptions of my parents, and you Mama), that I can handle things by myself, with no help. And apparently no hours at work. (different story for a different time)

I feel defeated, and like I am not going to ever be independent. Now I don't want to get married more than ever.

Sorry about the 'woe is me' post, I just don't have anyone to vent to...