Monday, December 22, 2008


I am done putting myself out there. And no, I am not just talking for guys. For people in general. Maybe it's because I am tired right now that I feel the need to put it in writing, but I can't do it anymore.
I try to go the extra mile for my friends and do sweet things for guys, or at least put myself out there and try to make a connection...romantic or otherwise...and I am lead on and get my hopes up and then get crushed.

What is it about me that makes people think that's okay? What is it about my personality that makes my 'friends' think that they can just walk all over me, and then come back like nothing has happened. Like they don't have to call me when they say they will, ever, or tell me they are hoping to meet me for dinner, or want to hear my voice on the other end of the line for just a little bit longer, tell me they can't wait to talk to me the next day, and then just don't call after standing me up the night before..WHY IS THAT OKAY!?

I thought maybe that I had been blessed by meeting a quality guy, he went to a good school, is close with his family, he even goes to church on a regular basis....he seemed to enjoy our conversations, even bantered with me, which..those who know me, know I love a good banter. Then we were suppose to go out for a friends birthday, have dinner, and just have a good time getting to know each other...he tells me he hopes to see me the next day, he's looking forward to it. Then when that day comes, he decides to not text me back, twice, BUT he does text back one of my friends, FOUR times. Then he decides to call me at 3:30am to tell me to NOT be mad (what? really?) and I said I wasn't mad, just disappointed. But then he goes on about how he wants to see me and going to Midnight Service on Christmas Eve with HIS PARENTS, and how he doesn't know what I have going on the next day, but he wants to cook me dinner, and what time can he call me the next day? I said call me ANYTIME, and guess what time he called? That's right...he didn't. The roads were HORRIBLE yesterday, so finally around 11:00 AT NIGHT I sent him a text, asking if he was okay...about 5 minutes later I get one back saying he just FINE and how am I doing? Did I get some sleep? He has a friend over right now.

What the *F* ever.

I am done. I am done wanting a boyfriend.

And then there is my "best friend" who I use to see 3-5 times a week, because I would drive to her house, even if it was for only an hour..just to catch up and what not. Then, I decided that, since my finances are a smidge tight right now, I probably shouldn't be driving 25 minutes that what happens...because I stopped making an effort? I dint see her for almost a month, and that is only because I drove to her house and PICKED HER UP and we went to a hockey game, then back to my house, then to HOLLAND in terrible weather to get HER a Christmas tree, then drove back to her house and then back to mine. Did I get offered any gas money? Take a guess. And then we were suppose to go away for the weekend, and that got canceled, but we were suppose to hang out and go shopping and maybe even spend the night together, and then I find out that she decided to go up north with some friends for the weekend instead, but she'd call me when she got home on Sunday..that was over a week ago...still waiting to hear from her. I'm not holding my breath. I feel like I have a bazillion more instances where I have put myself out there and got my hopes up with things she has said, only to be let down.

I am done! I can't take anymore.

If I don't get my hopes up, I can't be let down.

Hopefully the next time I blog, I won't be so bitchy..but then again..

1 comment:

Kristi said...

Awww sorry Ray!! I know all too well the disappointments, tears and frustrations of dating and being jerked around. You know my story all too well - once I gave up looking and trying is when it all happened. Your "Michael Michael Motorcycle" is out there. God is just continuing to prepare both of you for each other and will reveal him to you in His perfect timing.

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