Friday, January 9, 2009

Sensitive to Life.

That's how I feel right now.

My head is sensitive to sound, as I have THE worst headache I've had since I can remember..probably because I was crying so hard I actually made myself throw up last this morning, it was after midnight that's for sure.

My eyes are sensitive to light, as my lids are swollen from crying so hard, I thought they'd bruise from being clamped shut so hard.

My voice is sensitive and tired, from yelling out to God last night for some sort of understanding. For trying to voice my frustrations with Him, for crying out to feel Him in anyway I could.

My back, arms, and legs are sensitive to movement, because I shoveled my brothers driveway(ok only half of it) yesterday. I haven't shoveled in OVER 10 years. yikes.

My heart is sensitive with longing, because as I held my niece yesterday, I realized how far away I am from being able to have my own kids.

My feelings are OVERLY sensitive, from my lack of sleep. So they are hurting from not getting a call back from of my best friends when I REALLY needed to someone to talk to last night. When I feel like I have been avoiding a certain friend, because I have been overly sensitive, and don't want to make TOO much out of a situation.
Also, because a boy that I was trying to have a good time getting to know, let me know that we can't be more than just friends if we are not physical(ie; sex). I am trying to not take it personally, since we didn't really know each other that well. I am trying to hold onto my faith with both hands. Knowing that God saw me take a stand for what I believe in (Him) and am not going to settle for less than someone who will worship with me. Wow, this is hard. I keep getting told it will all be worth it someday, the wait I mean. When I find that special someone. But damn. Hurry up!

My paranoia is overly sensitive, as I look up from this post and find 4 guests looking at me. Creepy.

To be left on a good note; I am glad to be working with Kristi today, even if we don't talk about my sensitivity, I know I will laugh and have a better day once she gets here.
I also will have a new post coming soon, about my *niece* Brylee May, and yes, there will be pictures. Angela, if you read this, thank you so much for texting with me. She's home and doing very well. Except, I'm sure she misses her Auntie Rachel.


Cassie said...

I am sorry I wasnt there for you last night jrt. I love you and I am ABSOLUTELY sure that Brylee misses her Aunt Rachel, I mean, I would if I were her!

Kristi said...

We've talked. Hopefully you are feeling better. It's alright to be cranky and tired and ticked off. Wasn't I acting the same way this morning? :) You know how I feel. You know on MANY accounts, you are living my old life. As hard as the "just wait" comments are, just wait. I promise you that your Michael Michael Motorcycle is out there. Shortly, you will have everything you are wanting - the man, the wedding, the baby. Then one night, you will want to strangle them all and run away on vacation for the weekend LOL Ooops back to you :) WOW -- this is becoming long. Thank you for writing about me. You make my work days better too but I'm sure you already knew that :)

Yours Truly said...

Kristi is SO right. Even when it seems all rosey and perfect, you want to drive a steak knife through their face. Seriously. No shit. :)

I thought I had found all you were looking for and more. Then, I was wrong. Then, I got divorced. So, choose wisely, little one, and don't rush the good things. They will show up in time.

As far as the baby goes, I'm glad she is doing much better. I was asking my fellow student friends the next morning at class and they were as puzzled as I was. We didn't really do a whole lot of 'newborn' care, but we did look it up in our book and there wasn't much listed there either. I'm glad that regardless of my inaptitude as a nurse, things turned out fine. I can't wait to see some pictures of her! *hugs*

About Me

My photo
..., Michigan, United States