To post..or not to post...

That is the question that I have been asking myself for almost a week now. Just because I'm not sure who, and how often they read my blog. And I always try to put myself in others shoes...but today..no, this is my blog, and if you don't like what I have to say..then there is a little 'x' in the top right hand corner of the screen..feel free to click it to navigate away from my page.

Wow..bad attitude. But today, well..I just don't care. You don't care, so why should I?

I am probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should, like most things in my life..but I'm upset, and a little hurt. So I'm going to blog about it.

Lets make this in to a hypothetical situation shall we?

Lets say, one way or another, you start talking to this guy. He is cute too. And you are kind of (not so secretly) thinking that this might actually go somewhere..someday, because he doesn't live in the same state, like he lives 10 hours way. Which..to you..isn't really that big of a deal, because there won't be any 'intimate' moments, shall we say, until you get married anyway. And you're actually excited about going to visit him, and taking a mini vacation together to, lets say, Chicago. {This is coming off in a way more 'pissed off' tone than I'd like..but again, ohwell} You've even put in lots of time and thought into this guy, because you're excited and happy. Then..a new month rolls around, and he is jam packed with plans, no big deal, you think, you'll just back off this month a little , and then next month, is the month you're suppose to go to Chicago, so that's great! But little by little, you can tell he's losing interest, just by the way when you e-mail or text him and ask him how his weekend went, he's happy to tell you in about 5 words, and then doesn't ask about your weekend, or even how you're doing. Then finally..you go days inbetween hearing from him, or rather hearing back from him, because you are always initiating the e-mails/phonecalls/text messages. And then you dig deep down for enough courage to ask that scary question ' we're not getting together anymore, are we" You don't even add a question mark, because honestly, you know it's just a statement. He lets you know the next day that he feels that you two don't hardly talk anymore, so he's not sure. So you e-mail him, to let him know that you do still really want to see him. When there is no response for over 2 hours, you text him, asking for thoughts on your e-mail...when there are just crickets for over the 6 + hours, you tell him that you'll just take it as he'd prefer not to talk anymore, unless he tells you otherwise, and have a great weekend. And that's it. The guy that tells you that 'not all guys are the same' and not every guy is going to hurt me or be a jerk to me. There are still good guys, like him, out there and I'll see.

Thanks for proving my thoughts on guys right, Tom.

whew...I have been upset about for almost a week now :) I feel better. Life moves on I know. I'm sure I'll meet an amazing guy someday, and even if I don't.... he did make me see that I can get excited about a guy again. So that's good news.


This post is bumming me out, so I'm done for now. I have lots of excited news to share though, so maybe I'll post after I get some more coffee..that always cheers me up. ..too bad you can't date a beverage.

jazzed.

Absolutely.



I had a pretty darn good weekend considering the weather. I wasn't all that sore (shout out to Jesus on that one..thank you!)



Friday was seriously nuts, both jobs were really busy. But I treated myself after work and went to bed pretty happy :) Saturday I only worked half a day and got to have a lunch date with one of my best friends. She is such an inspiration to me. She helped bring me to Christ when I showed her I was ready. I don't think she realizes how much she means to me. Enough sappiness. We 'lunched' for about 3 hours (which really..it wasn't enough time..but what is enough time when you get us together?) Then I headed home to spend a relaxing night alone with a movie and boy, was I looking forward to it! But then I got a call from my BFF M and we got to talking and she just has this way of energizing me! So I got dressed and picked her up and we headed to G.H. beach during a Thunder storm! SO beautiful since it wasn't yet dark, dark. We took some silly pictures and got Slurpee's and had so much fun in the rain. We stopped at my friend J.M.'s house on the way home to warm up and just hang out for alittle while. Then, of course we picked up TB and headed back to her house for a little while. When I got home I suddenly felt an urge to clean, and the next thing I knew..it was 3am! yikes! So I turned my movie that I was watching before I went out back on, and fell asleep on the couch.

I took Sunday morning for myself and went to work at 3 and went home..made some chips and cheese and relaxed and fell asleep around 1 this morning. Life was good :)



And that was my lovely little weekend.





I know I don't say this a lot but I am so happy that it's Monday and that the week has started. This week is going to be really busy for me as I am finishing up things for the Arthritis Walk in Rockford (http://www.arthritis.org/). I just got word that I will be able to pick my shirts up tomorrow! Really excited about that. I am still searching for plain brown onesies in 6-9 month sizes, but I have an idea if that doesn't work. And Iron-On's for the bigger kids. But I am pretty much all set and just trying to be organized for when I receive the donations for the shirts. I am feeling pretty good about it though! I am pretty happy that I only have 3 days at the Optical Office this week. That is awesome. Let's break it down:



Today(Monday)- I work at the Hampton until 5pm and then the Optical Office until 9:30

Tuesday- I only work at the Hampton, until 3 (insert happy noise here) and after that I plan on going over to my parents house to create a photo book for of Baby B. Then I am going *shopping* for brown onesies and iron-on's AND a new outfit for Saturday when we go out for my birthday! Hopefully my S-I-L will come with me. And I will hopefully have time in there to pick up my shirts for the Arthritis Walk too! I hope they turned out okay!

Wednesday-I work at the Hampton until 4pm and then at the Optical Office until 9:30. Not going to be doing much that day...try to fit in tanning :) Oh and I need to bake some cup cakes for a bake sale too :)

Thursday- I work from 7-5 at the Hampton, maybe do some ironing and cleaning! Or more *shopping*? if I haven't found that cute little birthday outfit that I have pictured in my head.

Friday- I work at the Optical Office until 1 in the afternoon and then I have a hair appointment at 2. Then I am going to hang out with Baby B for a while!

Saturday is of course The Arthritis Walk! I have to get there around 8:30am. I am so freaking jazzed. I am excited for pictures and the talking while we're walking and just being around my closest friends and family! We're all going out to lunch after that and then I'm going to go home to hopefully take a nap before we head out to dinner at Monelli's for drinks and Spinach and Artichoke dip and then to K.T.'s & J.T.'s for some cake! Then it's time to head downtown for some bar hopping. I haven't gone out downtown in months. This will be great. Unless, something else great happens. which I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, but hey..a girl can hope right? right. Thanks.

Sunday could go either way, with relaxing, driving home, church, walking, rollerblading, or lunch on the patio. Either way..sounds good.

NEXT Monday I work 8am-9:30pm between both jobs
Tuesday- 7am-9:30pm between both jobs, hopefully the girls from the optical office will go out for a drink with me!
Wednesday..My Birthday!! I only work from 11am-3pm (awesome!) I already have breakfast plans, and dinner plans and a special few minute phone date and just an awesome relaxing, all about me kind of day. :)
Thursday I work from 7am-9:30pm between both jobs
Friday-Sunday(I think) leaving for Petoskey for the WHOLE weekend for my cousins Wedding! Usually I dread weddings because I hate going alone. But I am pretty excited about going and getting away for a few nights! Bring on the Chicken Dance! And the YMCA and Shout! I plan on doing them all! I even bought new shoes to go with my dress :) Check facebook for pictures :)

Whew! That is my life for the next few weeks. But it's all good stuff that I am excited for! Plus somewhere in there hopefully my friend J.M. promised to take me to dinner and some putt putt golf...yay!


Alright, thanks for reading my longest post ever. Have a good day!

He Has Risen!

Happy Easter!

The thing I love about this Holiday, is well, Jesus :) Easter signals hope and I love hope :)

I am working right now, from 7am-3pm today (can we say time and a half!?) and then hopefully going to my Aunties for a lovely Ham dinner! I love ham.

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for my family and I in our not so desirable situations that have been happening lately. I sure appreciate it!

Yesterday was good, considering. I was so sore that my manager at the optical office let me stay home from work. Thank you ND! So I went to brunch with my family then went out for coffee with KC & JS. I hadn't seen them in about a month, so it was good to check in and catch up. Then I went and gave Baby B her Easter presents (a photobook and teething rings) then went home to finish up some spring cleaning (call me lame, that's fine) and I get this phone call..that's right..a phone call! Not a text! It was my PB! Wondering how I was doing and how my weekend was going. He had e-mailed me earlier in the week saying how he was dreading this weekend because he had to move everything out of his condo on Saturday. That's all the time he had! So this weekend was going to be rough for him. So he was just kind of hanging out in his empty condo and wanted to check in. I told him I was being lame because I was kind of sore, and really..there wasn't much going on. So then he said we could hang out, and I was all over that! Of course I'm already in my PJ's and ready for bed (I know..and it was only 8:15!) so I was like okay...where should we meet? And he's all..well I can just come there, we can just hang out and catch up and chat. And all I could think is Thank you Jesus for putting me in a cleaning mood earlier in the day! So he came over, he drove 35 minutes(which totally blows my mind BTW) and I gave him a tour of my house, and we just sat on my couch and talked and talked and told stories and asked questions and just hung out. No TV, no radio, and it seemed like about a half hour had gone by and it had been 2 hours! And I had to work at 7, and he still needed to drive back to his buddies house where he'll be staying for the next couple weeks, which was about 45 minutes away. Plus he was tired from moving all of his stuff, and I was tired from just moving my crippled body all day, so we were pretty much falling asleep on the couch and yawning like crazy.
I can't even express in words how nice it was just to hang out with someone and have fun. We laughed so much, and it was just easy sitting there facing each other with our legs stretched out and talking. I hope it happens again soon. I'm just so happy to have a friendship that is 2 sided, not one person trying for more than what the other person wants. I hope that makes sense.

Whew! I need to take a break with the typing, because my wrists are getting a little sore, but there is a story about when I went to coffee that is quite interesting.

6 days and counting!

6 days until I can get my infusion...please GOD make this time go by FAST! I work everyday until then, so hopefully that'll help!

Yesterday, to say the least, was a not so good day. Everything happens for a reason though, and God has shown me some good :)

I was suppose to have a dinner & movie night with Cassie yesterday, but for whatever reason, our signals got crossed and it didn't happen, so I went out to dinner with ML. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings (SO good!) And I got Spicy Garlic Wings..just so he didn't get any ideas on kissing or anything. The dinner was fine, I guess. He is a nice guy, there is just nothing there, does that make sense? I want to be excited to go out with someone, and not want them to bring me home and can't wait to hear from them the next day. Not, trying to figure out what a legitimate excuse to not go out might be!

So, since I am Dating Girl now, I think I might out with JR again. The boxing match was interesting enough, and he wants to take me on a date out to Grand Haven. Grab some food and walk on the beach. Won't it be a little too cold to do that right now? Maybe we can post-pone it for a couple of weeks?


The good thing that happened last night is that I got to talk to my PB!!! We talked for about 2 hours and got caught up on the happenings in our lives, and talk about getting together. It was so nice. I can't wait to hang out with him. The dates that I have been going on...there has just been pressure ya know? Kind of wondering what they are thinking...or just not really enjoying the night, or thinking about other things..idk. So When PB and I hang out, it'll just be fun. Needless to say, I am excited!

Another thing that I am excited about is TD getting his Easter package today! I'm semi-bummed, since I ruined the surprise..but it's still a surprise as to what goodies are in the box! I really hope he likes it though :)

Anyway...please please send me your prayers, so I can hopefully stop limping!

Scared

http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/news/Two_Wyoming_schools_vandalized

This is my middle school and high school. The damage was done by two guys that were in my graduating class.

This is why I am scared. What will the world be like when Colin gets to high school? Or even when my kids get to high school? It terrifies me. Those guys had been graduated from high school for almost 6 years, and they still went back to cause $25,000 worth of damage.

I just pray that somehow God will change the hearts of people so there is not this kind of terror in the world.

please.

?

This is my life right now.


I feel like I am on 'auto pilot' for everything, because I have no idea what I want, or where my life is going.

I don't feel upset over anything, in my personal life. Things are for the most part, fine. I am healthy(not sick with a cold or flu or anything), Brylee is doing better. I have been spending time with my mom. I started Weight Watchers with a group of family/friends. I am very excited about this. We are going to have weekly 'weigh-ins", but it'll be private. But it's a chance to see how each other is doing and share some new recipes and walk together and even play the Wii! Spending time with my cousin-in-law to be, which is particularly important to me right now, since my cousin, J, is in the Marines and will be gone until at least August. That is hard. So we went for coffee and she is going to be coming to be joining us for weekly meetings and walks when she doesn't have class. It's nice to have something to look forward to. We also plan to watch the bachelor at our meetings. Man I love that show!

One thing I have been struggling with lately, is sleep. I feel like I fall asleep around midnight-ish each night. Which isn't terrible. But when my neighbors, (who are 55+) start rocking and rolling around 12:30am-2:30am, that keeps me up and I can't fall back to sleep right away. So I've tried sleeping on my couch, but I don't sleep a 'good' sleep. I am in the middle of writing a 'polite' complaint. If that makes sense.

I am looking forward to next Friday. I am getting my infusion. I am very interested to see how my joints are doing and more importantly my red blood cell count, or my hemoglobin. And see if I can warm my specialist up to the idea of me getting a tattoo :) Wish me luck!

The weight of the ? is heavy though. My neck and shoulders hurt. This time of year depresses me. I know it affects a lot of people though.
It is becoming more apparent at work that I need to find another job. It hurts to say this, because there are some people there that I just don't want to leave. It has been made clear that I am replaceable, and just an employee who's feelings or personal life schedule does not matter. Kris, I'm sorry, but I have to vent!

I have an interview on the 26th, so pray that goes well!

I am done venting for now. Mainly because looking down at the screen is reeking havoc on my neck.

Mama, I miss you!
Angela..take care of her!

Whooosh

That is the sound of air coming out of my lungs with an exasperated disapointed sigh.

WHY do I let myself get SO excited about things? I get my hopes up and then SMASH..they get crushed. I feel like I am so ready to GO...to let God fully take the reins and lead me to something more.

I wish my friends would actually go through with these fun ideas that we have..we're only young once ya know? Lets live it up! I do love how some of my friends are all 'carpe diem' about things..but we aren't 16 anymore either..we do have responsibilities..lets think ahead too..is that so hard?

Now my mood definitely fits this gloomy rainy cold day.

Looks like I am going to have to do things on my own.

What if's, Maybe's, and Things I Love

I have a lot of 'What ifs" going through my head lately...and a lot of things that could 'Maybe" happen. It's all very excited, but at the same time, I am trying to be careful as to not get my hopes up TOO high.

::Insert New Subject::

Things I love:
Coffee
The Color Pink
My New Hair Cut
My New Hair Color
The Fact That it is Summer
I am Getting Closer to Jesus
Slowly, I am Feeling More Independent, Depending on the Day :)
My Cell Phone
That I Have a Job
My Steve Madden Sandals
My Gucci Purse and Matching Wallet
Being Tan
Laying on the Beach
Being a Christian
SunShine
Hugs
Kisses
Being in Love
HOLDING HANDS
Moving on from Mistakes in the Past
Kristi McWilliams!!!



I'll wait until I find out for sure, but I am SUPER excited about a big MAYBE..because its a PROBABLY.

I'm out of things to write

Up-lifting

Last night was a lonely night for me.


I know how blessed and well spoiled I am. I come from a good home, have 2 wonderful parents who love and adore me, an older brother that would do anything for me, and a handful of friends that are there when I need a good hug. But ever since Stephen and I 'broke up' I have had this loneliness, obviously.
So Ive been trying to deal with being more on my own, be more independent. But even though I know its inevitable, my grandfathers days are numbered and it's breaking my heart, I try to be strong for my parents and grandma, but I feel alone, I feel I don't have a 'rock' anymore..no one for me to cry on. I'm feeling feelings that I can' describe because I've never had anyone close to me pass away before.. I have high hopes for this new man in my life, I know He'll never let me know and always be there for me, no matter what. That's an amazing feeling, so I'm trying to grow with that and let Him guide me to happiness, because I know if I don't have Him, I won't be able to achieve happiness.
Dear Lord, my God, I am so blessed to be one of Your children, to have You be number 1 in my life, and to have this weight lifted by knowing You.
So Instead of watching TV to keep my mind on other things until I fell asleep like Ive been doing lately, I decided to read my bible in hopes of it calming me down and making me feel better. It of course, worked.

So just in case someone needs some uplifting-ness(yes I made that up), Here are a few verses that helped me:

Romans 8:38-8:39
38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jeremiah 1:5
5 "Before I started to put you together in your mother, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart as holy. I chose you to speak to the nations for Me."

Jeremiah 1:7-1:8
7 But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a boy.' You must go everywhere I send you. And you must say whatever I tell you. 8 Do not be afraid of them. For I am with you to take you out of trouble," says the Lord. (thanks Melissa!)


If anyone has anymore that they want to share let me know!

God Bless :)

Happy Birthday Jesus!!

Being a Christian...December 25 is an extremely important day...and for me..someone who is just coming into their faith..its exhilarating.

I realized something the other night...that I had put someone before Him, and now I see just how wrong I was, and how great I feel seeing my error and now I can fix it.

Forgiveness is an amazing thing. Im greatful.

I will ramble another day...

God is Great..praise Him!!

Merry CHRISTmas!!

I wish I was more creative...I wish had more to write about...

but lets face it..I'm kind of boring.


The Basics:

I'm a 5"7', 121lbs, 22 year old female who found out she had rheumatoid arthritis in 2nd grade.

I work the front desk at a hotel pretty much full time and attend the local community college full time.

I live at home with my parents.

I'm okay with living at home with my parents.

I've never had the misfortune of someone close to me passing away.

I have just one boy who..whether he knows it or not..has a very large part of me.

I have four best friends.

I am not a fan of the 'bar scene'

I do not drink alcohol regularly.

I do not smoke.

I've never gone sky diving..never swam with a dolphin...have never been out of the country for some glorious vacation or some wonderful missions trip.


And for now...that is just fine with me :)

Goodbye Summer?

Soo...tomorrow at 830 am I have an appointment with a counselor down at CC...and Im not thrilled about it..BUT..itll be good..we can talk about what classes I should take so I can finally be done with that damn place and move on to Davenport! and then(big smile) be DONE with school..I should have taken atleast one class this summer..and just sucked it up. But I feel there were more important things..important relationships that I had to work on. And Im happy I did :o)



I know There is still LOTS of summer left..but Im starting to think of school..and that makes me feel like summer is coming to an end. Even though I did lay out for awhile today and my chest and face are alil pink!!

So I read a good quote today..."Don't let your Yesterdays control your Todays and Tomorrows

Once More

So I thought I'd give Blogging another shot. I've done the xanga thing for awhile, and even posted a few on MySpace.
I saw Kristi started one..so I thought that I should give it another try. We'll see how it goes. Maybe in my busy-ness of trying to get a 2nd job, volunteering at church, and being in 2 wedding this summer, I'll be able to blog my thoughts everynow and again.