To post..or not to post...

That is the question that I have been asking myself for almost a week now. Just because I'm not sure who, and how often they read my blog. And I always try to put myself in others shoes...but today..no, this is my blog, and if you don't like what I have to say..then there is a little 'x' in the top right hand corner of the screen..feel free to click it to navigate away from my page.

Wow..bad attitude. But today, well..I just don't care. You don't care, so why should I?

I am probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should, like most things in my life..but I'm upset, and a little hurt. So I'm going to blog about it.

Lets make this in to a hypothetical situation shall we?

Lets say, one way or another, you start talking to this guy. He is cute too. And you are kind of (not so secretly) thinking that this might actually go somewhere..someday, because he doesn't live in the same state, like he lives 10 hours way. Which..to you..isn't really that big of a deal, because there won't be any 'intimate' moments, shall we say, until you get married anyway. And you're actually excited about going to visit him, and taking a mini vacation together to, lets say, Chicago. {This is coming off in a way more 'pissed off' tone than I'd like..but again, ohwell} You've even put in lots of time and thought into this guy, because you're excited and happy. Then..a new month rolls around, and he is jam packed with plans, no big deal, you think, you'll just back off this month a little , and then next month, is the month you're suppose to go to Chicago, so that's great! But little by little, you can tell he's losing interest, just by the way when you e-mail or text him and ask him how his weekend went, he's happy to tell you in about 5 words, and then doesn't ask about your weekend, or even how you're doing. Then finally..you go days inbetween hearing from him, or rather hearing back from him, because you are always initiating the e-mails/phonecalls/text messages. And then you dig deep down for enough courage to ask that scary question ' we're not getting together anymore, are we" You don't even add a question mark, because honestly, you know it's just a statement. He lets you know the next day that he feels that you two don't hardly talk anymore, so he's not sure. So you e-mail him, to let him know that you do still really want to see him. When there is no response for over 2 hours, you text him, asking for thoughts on your e-mail...when there are just crickets for over the 6 + hours, you tell him that you'll just take it as he'd prefer not to talk anymore, unless he tells you otherwise, and have a great weekend. And that's it. The guy that tells you that 'not all guys are the same' and not every guy is going to hurt me or be a jerk to me. There are still good guys, like him, out there and I'll see.

Thanks for proving my thoughts on guys right, Tom.

whew...I have been upset about for almost a week now :) I feel better. Life moves on I know. I'm sure I'll meet an amazing guy someday, and even if I don't.... he did make me see that I can get excited about a guy again. So that's good news.


This post is bumming me out, so I'm done for now. I have lots of excited news to share though, so maybe I'll post after I get some more coffee..that always cheers me up. ..too bad you can't date a beverage.

Rough.

Today....I am struggling. All of a sudden my eyelids weigh about a gazillion pounds and I yawn every 2 minutes.

I. am. tired.
not just tired. tired. BIG difference.

I have had a ton on my mind with the Arthritis Walk, I have even dreamed about it! So I haven't been sleeping as well as I could. Then yesterday, as I was parking my car in my garage and unloading my bags of things from my day, my phone rings. There were a few people I thought it could be, but it wasn't.

It was my PB . That's right! A phone call out of the blue. I love those. We got to talk for a little over an hour and a half and catch up on how our weekends were. He is doing a bunch of travelling for the next few days (lucky!), and we got to talk about our upcoming week too. Then we talked about my birthday dinner :) He promised that he'd take out to dinner, but there is a small situation because he lives almost an hour away. So we obviously need to plan a little bit. The place I work is awesome enough(most days..some days..every now and then?) to let us have a free room in our birthday month, as long as its not super busy. Which it's not next weekend. So we were talking about going out to dinner, he won't tell me where, and a drink and maybe a movie or something. Then he doesn't have to drive all the way home! Perfect! I am pretty darn excited about this non date birthday dinner. :)

Then in July, for his birthday, I'll head to where he lives and stay in a hotel room, and buy him dinner :) Only he'll be paying for my hotel room. I love having out of town friends :)


I can't think of anything else to write, Noodles.

Grade: { F- }

I feel like I haven't been a very strong Christian lately. I have let certain {bad} things/people surround me. I hate how sexual the world (my hometown) has become. Suddenly it's acceptable to say inappropriate things to just anyone.

Makes me feel a little sick to my stomach to even think about them.

I am all for joking around and having a good time and even being flirty at times.

This is what makes me think that I don't want to get married anymore. I know there are good guys out there, {This guy that I work with actually helped me see that last night} but I'm just not sure it's worth it, because most of the men in my life{married, in a relationship or single}, are not living like the men of God I thought they were. I know no one is perfect or right all the time..but they should know not to be that WRONG.

Agh!

On a lighter note, I am excited to spend some quality time with my one of my BFF's tonight. We had some good girl time on Saturday, and tonight will be so much fun. Even though we were together for a couple of hours on Saturday, there are still SO many things I want to talk and pray about with her tonight! ps-JSC I thought our cravings for food :) We have quite the interesting palates love!

ps- I wore my hair down and straight today..not sure how I like it :o/ BUT I do like some glasses I tried on yesterday,lets take a vote!!! Which one looks better?

{UnTitled}

I am not doing good today. You would think I am PMSing, but I'm not! That was 2 weeks ago! But I am so dang emotional. I think it's partly I'm getting slightly depressed from being so sore. I mean..I already have limited movement as it is, and it's been taken away. I have to wake up a half hour earlier everyday because it takes me so much longer to shower, do my hair, get something to eat, forget about shaving my legs..I can't even get to my calf! So I feel gross..I feel ugly.



I think another thing that is making me sad is I just RSVP'd for my cousins wedding. For 1. So once again I get to have all of my family members, and I do mean all of them ask me why I can't get a guy. Do they really think that makes me feel good? I know I'm over reacting here, but I am lonely damnit. Which is so frustrating, because ML is such a nice guy, and honestly, he has done all those cutsie/cheesey things I have wanted a guy to do (brought me a coffee to work, picked me up from my house, text AND call me, put me on his facebook status that he was excited about dinner), so why can't I just be happy and be in a relationship with him? Am I being too picky? I just don't like that he drinks so much. I like going out for drinks and stuff, don't get me wrong, but there has to be more. Plus I feel like he wants too much too quickly. I am not ready to spend the night and have a pancake breakfast..plus, from what he tells me, he goes to church with his parents because that's just what he's always done. And when I ask him why, he's like well..its Sunday, it's just what you do. no no no NO. WRONG answer! I want a Godly man, who goes to church to worship our Savior, to feel the Holy Spirit (Thanks Mama).



Whatever, I've gone on a long enough tangent about this, again. God will bring him to me when He knows I am good and ready. We all know I'm lacking in the patience department :)







So back to my original thought, I am not talking to anyone until after my infusion, in hopes it'll perk up my spirits a little.

God Bless, Happy Easter!

6 days and counting!

6 days until I can get my infusion...please GOD make this time go by FAST! I work everyday until then, so hopefully that'll help!

Yesterday, to say the least, was a not so good day. Everything happens for a reason though, and God has shown me some good :)

I was suppose to have a dinner & movie night with Cassie yesterday, but for whatever reason, our signals got crossed and it didn't happen, so I went out to dinner with ML. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings (SO good!) And I got Spicy Garlic Wings..just so he didn't get any ideas on kissing or anything. The dinner was fine, I guess. He is a nice guy, there is just nothing there, does that make sense? I want to be excited to go out with someone, and not want them to bring me home and can't wait to hear from them the next day. Not, trying to figure out what a legitimate excuse to not go out might be!

So, since I am Dating Girl now, I think I might out with JR again. The boxing match was interesting enough, and he wants to take me on a date out to Grand Haven. Grab some food and walk on the beach. Won't it be a little too cold to do that right now? Maybe we can post-pone it for a couple of weeks?


The good thing that happened last night is that I got to talk to my PB!!! We talked for about 2 hours and got caught up on the happenings in our lives, and talk about getting together. It was so nice. I can't wait to hang out with him. The dates that I have been going on...there has just been pressure ya know? Kind of wondering what they are thinking...or just not really enjoying the night, or thinking about other things..idk. So When PB and I hang out, it'll just be fun. Needless to say, I am excited!

Another thing that I am excited about is TD getting his Easter package today! I'm semi-bummed, since I ruined the surprise..but it's still a surprise as to what goodies are in the box! I really hope he likes it though :)

Anyway...please please send me your prayers, so I can hopefully stop limping!

Oh bOy

Where even to start!

I have had SO much going on in my life in the past week that it is just crazy...and it's always hard to tell exactly how much information I should put out in the 'blogesphere'.

Lets start with Valentines Day. I was a little nervous about how I would be feeling on that day this year. So I prayed to God that he would just comfort me during that day. Boy did He deliver! I had woke up a little early and went and saw my grandma before I came into work. It was so good to see her! I was there for about 15 minutes. Then I came into work and 'K' at work had brought in all the "Fixin's" for an amazing salad. It was great! I felt special :) I had made chocolate pumpkin muffins for our dessert :) I love being girly and having lunch dates.

Then after work I ran over to see my Valentine (aka Brylee May), to give her LOTS of hugs and kisses and 'Auntie loves you's". Man I love that girl!

I went out for dinner with my cousin Kelly and my cousin Conrad's(Kelly's brother) Fiance, Jen. We met at Fridays and had a fabulous dinner with great conversations and two Junebugs a piece! Needless to say..it was a good dinner. After that we went to a sold out showing of He's Just Not that Into You. GREAT movie! We laughed, and cried.

I got home a little after midnight, had Kelly spend the night, we talked for a while and then had to go to sleep to get up for work the next day. It was probably the 2nd best Valentines Day I have ever had:)

Now, onto a more sensitive subject. I'm not sure even how or where to begin. Or how much to say.
I almost don't want to say anything, just because I'm tired of thinking about this whole situation.
hmm..I'm gonna pray on this for a little while.