To post..or not to post...

That is the question that I have been asking myself for almost a week now. Just because I'm not sure who, and how often they read my blog. And I always try to put myself in others shoes...but today..no, this is my blog, and if you don't like what I have to say..then there is a little 'x' in the top right hand corner of the screen..feel free to click it to navigate away from my page.

Wow..bad attitude. But today, well..I just don't care. You don't care, so why should I?

I am probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should, like most things in my life..but I'm upset, and a little hurt. So I'm going to blog about it.

Lets make this in to a hypothetical situation shall we?

Lets say, one way or another, you start talking to this guy. He is cute too. And you are kind of (not so secretly) thinking that this might actually go somewhere..someday, because he doesn't live in the same state, like he lives 10 hours way. Which..to you..isn't really that big of a deal, because there won't be any 'intimate' moments, shall we say, until you get married anyway. And you're actually excited about going to visit him, and taking a mini vacation together to, lets say, Chicago. {This is coming off in a way more 'pissed off' tone than I'd like..but again, ohwell} You've even put in lots of time and thought into this guy, because you're excited and happy. Then..a new month rolls around, and he is jam packed with plans, no big deal, you think, you'll just back off this month a little , and then next month, is the month you're suppose to go to Chicago, so that's great! But little by little, you can tell he's losing interest, just by the way when you e-mail or text him and ask him how his weekend went, he's happy to tell you in about 5 words, and then doesn't ask about your weekend, or even how you're doing. Then finally..you go days inbetween hearing from him, or rather hearing back from him, because you are always initiating the e-mails/phonecalls/text messages. And then you dig deep down for enough courage to ask that scary question ' we're not getting together anymore, are we" You don't even add a question mark, because honestly, you know it's just a statement. He lets you know the next day that he feels that you two don't hardly talk anymore, so he's not sure. So you e-mail him, to let him know that you do still really want to see him. When there is no response for over 2 hours, you text him, asking for thoughts on your e-mail...when there are just crickets for over the 6 + hours, you tell him that you'll just take it as he'd prefer not to talk anymore, unless he tells you otherwise, and have a great weekend. And that's it. The guy that tells you that 'not all guys are the same' and not every guy is going to hurt me or be a jerk to me. There are still good guys, like him, out there and I'll see.

Thanks for proving my thoughts on guys right, Tom.

whew...I have been upset about for almost a week now :) I feel better. Life moves on I know. I'm sure I'll meet an amazing guy someday, and even if I don't.... he did make me see that I can get excited about a guy again. So that's good news.


This post is bumming me out, so I'm done for now. I have lots of excited news to share though, so maybe I'll post after I get some more coffee..that always cheers me up. ..too bad you can't date a beverage.

Random's

So today, is alittle slow at work..so I am 'blog bouncing' as I like to call it(starting now), and I found this girl that had a random list of things, and I heart randoms!



{1.} I am 24 years old..wow it feels wierd to say that!

{2.} I am excited for my little alone 'adventure' this weekend!

{3.} I have to get my own health insurance by this month!

{4.} I'm scared about that!

{5.} I don't like growing up

{6.} I never thought I'd have to do this by myself.

{7.} I have to 'pop' my left elbow several times a day

{8.} I'm not sure marriage is in my future.

{9.} I think I might be okay with that.

{10.} I think this girl, MH, is awesome for helping me through this blog on gmail chat, thank you!

{11.} I would make a great assistant because I am excellent at anticipating needs

{12.} I am glad that AC will forever remember my birthday because of what happened on it!!(conrats again!)

{13.} Just between Monday and Tuesday, I had already worked 30 hours.

{14.} My friends got me so many amazing gifts for my birthday.

{15.} I heart Jesus.

{16.} Only an hour left of this job today! Woo!

{17.} I feel disconnected to a few certian people lately, and I wish that was different.

{18.} I am going to pray on how to fix this.

{19.} I would like Kristi , JSC, and Angela to send post some randoms too!

ps; Life- live it & love it.

O.M.G{osh}.

Ok, fair warning..this is NOT for the weak of stomach :)

AND I'm not saying these are true stories, because they were told to me by friends of friends of friends {twice removed haha}. But they were way too funny {& kinda gross} NOT to pass on to my lovelies {that's you!}.

I heard this from JSC last Saturday while we were shopping in a store for a plant to put in her Boo's living room of his new house. So we're walking past the Cactus, and she starts telling me about this woman who bought a Cactus from H.L. and when she got it home she noticed that it was pulsating a little bit. So she called the store and they hung up on her or got "disconnected" 3 times, and that made her a little nervous. So she called the fire dept, just to double check to make sure everything was okay. And they told her to immediately get her kids and get out of the house. When the fire department arrived they went in and got the cactus and brought it out front and doused it with lighter fluid and lit it. Almost immediately thousands of baby Tarantula spiders coming fleeing out of the cactus!! WTF! gross.



Then last night, when I worked with S.S. she was telling that this girl, for whatever STUPID reason decided to go downtown by herself {idiot} and have a few drinks and go dancing. Of course, she met this guy and they started talking and danced a little and even had alittle make out session. He asked if she wanted to come over to his place for dinner, and she declined, but thought he was cute and nice so they exchanged numbers. The next morning she got up and was going to get in the shower and noticed all of these bumps on her face around her mouth. She was alittle freaked out so she went to the emergency room and they ran some tests but couldn't figure out what had caused the bumps. They told her to go home and wait by her phone, and they would call her as soon as they got the rest of her test results back. So she went home and waited for about 2 hours and the hospital called her told her to come straight back to the hospital right away, do not call anyone, do not talk to anyone, just come straight back. When she arrived she noticed the police were there. They asked her who she had come into contact with in the last 24 hours. She went through the list of people, and told the officers that she had met this guy at the bar and they had made out a little..they asked for his name and phone number and left. The girl was definitely freaking out by now and the Dr's sat her down and said that the only way you get bumps like that is from consuming human carnage. So that guy she made out with was eating human flesh!!!!! I will give you a moment to go vomit in the bathroom! ick.

Anyway.

Enjoy you lunch :)

Sensitive to Life.

That's how I feel right now.

My head is sensitive to sound, as I have THE worst headache I've had since I can remember..probably because I was crying so hard I actually made myself throw up last night...er this morning, it was after midnight that's for sure.

My eyes are sensitive to light, as my lids are swollen from crying so hard, I thought they'd bruise from being clamped shut so hard.

My voice is sensitive and tired, from yelling out to God last night for some sort of understanding. For trying to voice my frustrations with Him, for crying out to feel Him in anyway I could.

My back, arms, and legs are sensitive to movement, because I shoveled my brothers driveway(ok only half of it) yesterday. I haven't shoveled in OVER 10 years. yikes.

My heart is sensitive with longing, because as I held my niece yesterday, I realized how far away I am from being able to have my own kids.

My feelings are OVERLY sensitive, from my lack of sleep. So they are hurting from not getting a call back from of my best friends when I REALLY needed to someone to talk to last night. When I feel like I have been avoiding a certain friend, because I have been overly sensitive, and don't want to make TOO much out of a situation.
Also, because a boy that I was trying to have a good time getting to know, let me know that we can't be more than just friends if we are not physical(ie; sex). I am trying to not take it personally, since we didn't really know each other that well. I am trying to hold onto my faith with both hands. Knowing that God saw me take a stand for what I believe in (Him) and am not going to settle for less than someone who will worship with me. Wow, this is hard. I keep getting told it will all be worth it someday, the wait I mean. When I find that special someone. But damn. Hurry up!

My paranoia is overly sensitive, as I look up from this post and find 4 guests looking at me. Creepy.


To be left on a good note; I am glad to be working with Kristi today, even if we don't talk about my sensitivity, I know I will laugh and have a better day once she gets here.
I also will have a new post coming soon, about my *niece* Brylee May, and yes, there will be pictures. Angela, if you read this, thank you so much for texting with me. She's home and doing very well. Except, I'm sure she misses her Auntie Rachel.

Expectations. . .

I have very high expectations for the people in my life. I consider myself to be a pretty good friend..I try to always be there if someone needs help...or if someone just needs to talk. I always try to brighten the dayof those who matter most to me.

I expect my friends to do the same.

Sometimes I feel it's very easy to push my friendship aside. I think my friends think that Im just always going to be there, that I am a push-over. It hurts. And Im afraid its going to turn me into a bitch.

Lately its kind of like Ive lost the friendship of a couple of very important people in my life, and it is because I kind of just gave up. Im to the point where I can only try for so long, and leave so many voicemails and messages and then I can't do it anymore. I cant give and give and give with out getting anything in return. I'm too worn out. . . it's sad that I am only 22 and already feel burnt out on putting myself out there.

Im done wanting people in my life that dont want to be there. Id rather be alone.

All I need is Jesus and His love..and I have that. So I dont need anything else. He always lives up to my expectations and is ALWAYS there for me. Amen.

Ive kind of just made myself sad again..ha..so I guess I'll end this blog now.

Have a good day everyone and God Bless!

Day of Definition

friend·ship (frěnd'shĭp')
n.
The quality or condition of being friends.
A friendly relationship: formed many new friendships over the summer. (this one hits close to home..)
Friendliness; good will: a policy of friendship toward other nations.

love /lʌv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[luhv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
–noun 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.
3. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

—Synonyms 1. tenderness, fondness, predilection, warmth, passion, adoration. 1, 2. Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc. Affection is a fondness for others that is enduring and tender, but calm. Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person; it may also imply consecration to a cause. 2. liking, inclination, regard, friendliness. 15. like. 16. adore, adulate, worship.


true /tru/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[troo] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, tru·er, tru·est, noun, adverb, verb, trued, tru·ing or true·ing.
–adjective
1.
being in accordance with the actual state or conditions; conforming to reality or fact; not false: a true story.
2.
real; genuine; authentic: true gold; true feelings.
3.
sincere; not deceitful: a true interest in someone's welfare.
4.
firm in allegiance; loyal; faithful; steadfast: a true friend.

Cop Out

So I just re-read my post..short and boring! Sorry..have lots going on through my head..so thats my excuse..my cop-out!

ps-Pictures make me happy :o)