Ah-Ha

Have you ever heard that expression? Someone had their 'ah- ha' moment? whether it be, they saw that they needed to lose weight, or they did something the wrong way, or realized that wait a minute, if I do this, I will get a different outcome!?

Well I had one today. My ah-ha moment is that I realize that people think I am spoiled and don't know how to fend for myself or take care of anything. Which, as I'm standing here, feeling sick to my stomach, maybe it's true? My parents have sheltered/spoiled/taken care of/ looked out for, me on overtime since we found out I had arthritis. Maybe I did take that for granted? I always always appreciated it though. I have been blessed with such great parents. But there comes a time where you need to grow up, mine is now, since I can no longer be covered under their insurance.
Deep breath, and no crying.


My dad has excellent insurance, and now as I am trying to find my own, and figure out a way to pay for it(my car, my credit card, my cell phone, my many medications, dr. visits, etc) I am a little worried. I am also trying to not to freak out over the information overload. I have no idea what any of the insurance jargon means, or if it's a good 'deal' for my situation, or if it's too much money, or if I should call this number for 'kids' getting off of their parents insurance. . . . which I don't want to do, I just want to be able to do one damn thing by myself.
This is where certain people, have made me feel ridiculous for asking certain questions, or not knowing certain things. Certain people, that just offer up their opinion, my feelings be damned. I feel like I am going to make a mistake because now I feel like I have to prove it to everyone around me(with the exceptions of my parents, and you Mama), that I can handle things by myself, with no help. And apparently no hours at work. (different story for a different time)

I feel defeated, and like I am not going to ever be independent. Now I don't want to get married more than ever.

Sorry about the 'woe is me' post, I just don't have anyone to vent to...

*Wonderful

I had the best weekend! It was filled with my closest friends and family.

The Arthritis Walk was a huge hit, I had 38 people on my team walking for me! It was such a blessing to have everyone show their support for me.

To get mushy, for just a second, it meant the world to me to have my brother there. If you know him(or have ever heard me talk about him), he is not a people person like I am, we are complete opposites. He doesn't like big crowds, or doing things that he doesn't know exactly what is going to happen. He just doesn't (hardly ever) step out of his comfort zone. And he did. Twice. For his little sister. He drove 40 minutes to Rockford, was in a huge crowd (he even looked silly and did the stretches), he walked 3 miles (which completely wore him out because he smokes) and was surrounded by people the entire time, and he still had time to goof off with his wife and Baby B (who looked stinkin' cute in the bib her Auntie made her). I thought for sure he would want to get to their truck right away and head home. And instead, they stayed, took an enormous amount of pictures AND went to lunch with pretty much the whole dang team. God is at work in his heart, I can just feel it. okay okay..tearing up...switching subjects.

Speaking of Baby B..

It also meant so much to have one of my best friends there with me, even though she couldn't walk. Luckily JSC has a pretty amazing boyfriend(see below) that pushed her the whole 3 miles in a wheel chair. Thanks ducky, it made my day that much more special to have you there, even though you were freezing. I really really appreciate you and your friendship.

Okay! Seriously!

After the Walk we went to Perkins (not Bob Evans JSC) and had the rudest waitress. But it was still fun and the food was pretty good. I had my cheeseburger and then M's bacon and her pancakes..yum!

L, J, & C coloring at Lunch :)

The whole team :)

O & A being their super cute selves!

Then I got to go home and take a 2 hour nap, let me tell you, that felt good! After that I got dressed for the little gathering of family and friends at K.T. & J.T.'s house! That was so fun, and the cake was so dang good! Probably because it had pink frosting and pink filling. M and I headed downtown to Monte's after a while and had a fuzzy navel..can you say good? seriously. It was good time, plus we met some Random's in the parking lot who took our picture and gave me a dollar because we were celebrating my birthday! awesome.

My beautiful cake!

I heart Presents!
JSC, Me, O, & JV

me, M, & SM



me & M downtown :) love her!

Yesterday I stayed in my PJ's allllllll day. Did laundry and dishes and watched a lot of TV. Plus had all my windows open in my 3 season room, and my front door too! I heart spring, a lot.

jazzed.

Absolutely.



I had a pretty darn good weekend considering the weather. I wasn't all that sore (shout out to Jesus on that one..thank you!)



Friday was seriously nuts, both jobs were really busy. But I treated myself after work and went to bed pretty happy :) Saturday I only worked half a day and got to have a lunch date with one of my best friends. She is such an inspiration to me. She helped bring me to Christ when I showed her I was ready. I don't think she realizes how much she means to me. Enough sappiness. We 'lunched' for about 3 hours (which really..it wasn't enough time..but what is enough time when you get us together?) Then I headed home to spend a relaxing night alone with a movie and boy, was I looking forward to it! But then I got a call from my BFF M and we got to talking and she just has this way of energizing me! So I got dressed and picked her up and we headed to G.H. beach during a Thunder storm! SO beautiful since it wasn't yet dark, dark. We took some silly pictures and got Slurpee's and had so much fun in the rain. We stopped at my friend J.M.'s house on the way home to warm up and just hang out for alittle while. Then, of course we picked up TB and headed back to her house for a little while. When I got home I suddenly felt an urge to clean, and the next thing I knew..it was 3am! yikes! So I turned my movie that I was watching before I went out back on, and fell asleep on the couch.

I took Sunday morning for myself and went to work at 3 and went home..made some chips and cheese and relaxed and fell asleep around 1 this morning. Life was good :)



And that was my lovely little weekend.





I know I don't say this a lot but I am so happy that it's Monday and that the week has started. This week is going to be really busy for me as I am finishing up things for the Arthritis Walk in Rockford (http://www.arthritis.org/). I just got word that I will be able to pick my shirts up tomorrow! Really excited about that. I am still searching for plain brown onesies in 6-9 month sizes, but I have an idea if that doesn't work. And Iron-On's for the bigger kids. But I am pretty much all set and just trying to be organized for when I receive the donations for the shirts. I am feeling pretty good about it though! I am pretty happy that I only have 3 days at the Optical Office this week. That is awesome. Let's break it down:



Today(Monday)- I work at the Hampton until 5pm and then the Optical Office until 9:30

Tuesday- I only work at the Hampton, until 3 (insert happy noise here) and after that I plan on going over to my parents house to create a photo book for of Baby B. Then I am going *shopping* for brown onesies and iron-on's AND a new outfit for Saturday when we go out for my birthday! Hopefully my S-I-L will come with me. And I will hopefully have time in there to pick up my shirts for the Arthritis Walk too! I hope they turned out okay!

Wednesday-I work at the Hampton until 4pm and then at the Optical Office until 9:30. Not going to be doing much that day...try to fit in tanning :) Oh and I need to bake some cup cakes for a bake sale too :)

Thursday- I work from 7-5 at the Hampton, maybe do some ironing and cleaning! Or more *shopping*? if I haven't found that cute little birthday outfit that I have pictured in my head.

Friday- I work at the Optical Office until 1 in the afternoon and then I have a hair appointment at 2. Then I am going to hang out with Baby B for a while!

Saturday is of course The Arthritis Walk! I have to get there around 8:30am. I am so freaking jazzed. I am excited for pictures and the talking while we're walking and just being around my closest friends and family! We're all going out to lunch after that and then I'm going to go home to hopefully take a nap before we head out to dinner at Monelli's for drinks and Spinach and Artichoke dip and then to K.T.'s & J.T.'s for some cake! Then it's time to head downtown for some bar hopping. I haven't gone out downtown in months. This will be great. Unless, something else great happens. which I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, but hey..a girl can hope right? right. Thanks.

Sunday could go either way, with relaxing, driving home, church, walking, rollerblading, or lunch on the patio. Either way..sounds good.

NEXT Monday I work 8am-9:30pm between both jobs
Tuesday- 7am-9:30pm between both jobs, hopefully the girls from the optical office will go out for a drink with me!
Wednesday..My Birthday!! I only work from 11am-3pm (awesome!) I already have breakfast plans, and dinner plans and a special few minute phone date and just an awesome relaxing, all about me kind of day. :)
Thursday I work from 7am-9:30pm between both jobs
Friday-Sunday(I think) leaving for Petoskey for the WHOLE weekend for my cousins Wedding! Usually I dread weddings because I hate going alone. But I am pretty excited about going and getting away for a few nights! Bring on the Chicken Dance! And the YMCA and Shout! I plan on doing them all! I even bought new shoes to go with my dress :) Check facebook for pictures :)

Whew! That is my life for the next few weeks. But it's all good stuff that I am excited for! Plus somewhere in there hopefully my friend J.M. promised to take me to dinner and some putt putt golf...yay!


Alright, thanks for reading my longest post ever. Have a good day!

He Has Risen!

Happy Easter!

The thing I love about this Holiday, is well, Jesus :) Easter signals hope and I love hope :)

I am working right now, from 7am-3pm today (can we say time and a half!?) and then hopefully going to my Aunties for a lovely Ham dinner! I love ham.

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for my family and I in our not so desirable situations that have been happening lately. I sure appreciate it!

Yesterday was good, considering. I was so sore that my manager at the optical office let me stay home from work. Thank you ND! So I went to brunch with my family then went out for coffee with KC & JS. I hadn't seen them in about a month, so it was good to check in and catch up. Then I went and gave Baby B her Easter presents (a photobook and teething rings) then went home to finish up some spring cleaning (call me lame, that's fine) and I get this phone call..that's right..a phone call! Not a text! It was my PB! Wondering how I was doing and how my weekend was going. He had e-mailed me earlier in the week saying how he was dreading this weekend because he had to move everything out of his condo on Saturday. That's all the time he had! So this weekend was going to be rough for him. So he was just kind of hanging out in his empty condo and wanted to check in. I told him I was being lame because I was kind of sore, and really..there wasn't much going on. So then he said we could hang out, and I was all over that! Of course I'm already in my PJ's and ready for bed (I know..and it was only 8:15!) so I was like okay...where should we meet? And he's all..well I can just come there, we can just hang out and catch up and chat. And all I could think is Thank you Jesus for putting me in a cleaning mood earlier in the day! So he came over, he drove 35 minutes(which totally blows my mind BTW) and I gave him a tour of my house, and we just sat on my couch and talked and talked and told stories and asked questions and just hung out. No TV, no radio, and it seemed like about a half hour had gone by and it had been 2 hours! And I had to work at 7, and he still needed to drive back to his buddies house where he'll be staying for the next couple weeks, which was about 45 minutes away. Plus he was tired from moving all of his stuff, and I was tired from just moving my crippled body all day, so we were pretty much falling asleep on the couch and yawning like crazy.
I can't even express in words how nice it was just to hang out with someone and have fun. We laughed so much, and it was just easy sitting there facing each other with our legs stretched out and talking. I hope it happens again soon. I'm just so happy to have a friendship that is 2 sided, not one person trying for more than what the other person wants. I hope that makes sense.

Whew! I need to take a break with the typing, because my wrists are getting a little sore, but there is a story about when I went to coffee that is quite interesting.

{UnTitled}

I am not doing good today. You would think I am PMSing, but I'm not! That was 2 weeks ago! But I am so dang emotional. I think it's partly I'm getting slightly depressed from being so sore. I mean..I already have limited movement as it is, and it's been taken away. I have to wake up a half hour earlier everyday because it takes me so much longer to shower, do my hair, get something to eat, forget about shaving my legs..I can't even get to my calf! So I feel gross..I feel ugly.



I think another thing that is making me sad is I just RSVP'd for my cousins wedding. For 1. So once again I get to have all of my family members, and I do mean all of them ask me why I can't get a guy. Do they really think that makes me feel good? I know I'm over reacting here, but I am lonely damnit. Which is so frustrating, because ML is such a nice guy, and honestly, he has done all those cutsie/cheesey things I have wanted a guy to do (brought me a coffee to work, picked me up from my house, text AND call me, put me on his facebook status that he was excited about dinner), so why can't I just be happy and be in a relationship with him? Am I being too picky? I just don't like that he drinks so much. I like going out for drinks and stuff, don't get me wrong, but there has to be more. Plus I feel like he wants too much too quickly. I am not ready to spend the night and have a pancake breakfast..plus, from what he tells me, he goes to church with his parents because that's just what he's always done. And when I ask him why, he's like well..its Sunday, it's just what you do. no no no NO. WRONG answer! I want a Godly man, who goes to church to worship our Savior, to feel the Holy Spirit (Thanks Mama).



Whatever, I've gone on a long enough tangent about this, again. God will bring him to me when He knows I am good and ready. We all know I'm lacking in the patience department :)







So back to my original thought, I am not talking to anyone until after my infusion, in hopes it'll perk up my spirits a little.

God Bless, Happy Easter!

nervous.

I am NERVOUS about tomorrow.

I have my 6 week infusion / having my blood drawn. Which, usually, not really that big of a deal. It is part of my life, and it makes me feel better.

I am afraid though, that tomorrow my specialist will be able to tell that I am not myself, notice that maybe I'm not as chatty as I usually am, and again try to have me talk to my regular physician about being depressed. Wanting to put me on pills, more pills. I'm afraid that my nurse is going to ask me how I'm doing and I am going to absolutely break down and start crying.
I haven't cried in quite some time, I have been on the verge countless times, but I haven't let myself completely go. They are also going to notice that I have gained weight, isn't that a sign of depression? I don't think I've gained a noticeable amount, but maybe?

I feel small. I feel alone. I don't want to talk to my friends or text or call them back. I'm tired, I slept 10 hours last night and have been exhausted all day.

I'm frustrated. Today, I had a "Lady Doctor" apt. Just a check up. And I have been wondering for quite some time, if I would be able to have kids, if I am fertile, or if my body could physically handle it. I am going to have to be off my meds for the duration, and I can hardly go 6 weeks with out feeling intense pain in my knees, ankles, and neck. And that is with out carrying a baby in me. But my Doctor said there was no way to check, I just have to try to have a baby, then I'll find out. But she said that I have to have an absolutely planned pregnancy. No oops. Because if there is, my meds will mutilate my baby or terminate my pregnancy all together. But they can't check to see if I can even get pregnant, is that true?

I would really like to know now if I am able to have a baby. I would like to know before I get married. Now is an ideal time because I am single. I feel I should let a guy know before we get too serious, because it might be an issue if we have to adopt or try to find a surrogate. I'm mad that I have to even think about this right now. I feel like I have to start saving for adoption, or a sperm bank or something because I don't know if I'll have a husband, if I'll find someone. And I'm tired of waiting.

Why would God put such a strong desire in my heart? I feel like this waiting is killing me. My heart is going to pound out of my chest with frustration. I don't know not to just be happy with how my life is. Why do I want more? I have an amazing family. I at least have a job, not everyone these days can say that. Why can't that be enough? Why do I desire and hunger for more?

I can't finish this now, I am starting to cry and I am working upfront. Very unprofessional.

I guess stay tuned for tomorrow, to see if I am put on even more meds.

STILL sick

Sooo...

let me just say first that I havent been sick since February...and I remember that because my dr. asked me if I was going to get proposed to on valentines day, ha...ha.....anyway..Ive been very blessed with my health these past however many months. There was a time where I was sick every 6 weeks with strep or tonsilitis.

NOW..the dr said I have acute tonsilitis...he did a second throat culture(my personal fav thing) and sent it out..should have called me back today but didnt..yes yes Im calling tomorrow...but I know have been on my antibiotic (Amoxicillin) for a FULL 3 days..and while the swelling of my GENORMOUS tonsils went down, I still cant eat with out feeling like Im going to throw up...it still hurts everyDAMN time I swallow...my head..neck..and back throb..and Im just freaking tired. I feel exhausted..I havent done a damn this since I left work on Saturday.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night I MAYBE got 4 hours of sleep at a time..with staying up like 3 hours in between 'sleeps' I just couldnt get comfortable enough to relax to sleep.

but today..I sleep until 12:15..when Stephen woke me up with a cute text..perfect to wake up to. then I dozed until about 1...and then pouted around the house because Im lonely...I understand that people dont wanna get sick..but it still sucks...I miss people!!..Im tired of my room...but ironically..its the only place I wanna be...I'll be upstairs getting yet another drink and its RIGHT back down to my room.

But now I cant sleep...Im tired as hell...but can't sleep..so now Im watching ellen(anyone else think she has put on some weight?) and drinking my diet sunkist orange soda. Slightly pissed. I have to work tomorrow and I dont know how Im gonna do it...Im wondering if I should be checked for mono....a couple people that I have talked to have said the same thing...what a way to spend the last of my summer days...

Not only that but what about work? not only do I not have any paid vacation days left...but Tara is off and Merr and John are going back to school soon..I feel like scheduling is SO tight and I dont wanna be difficult. ugh.

ok well my head is pounding so bad that my eye is starting to twitch and its getting hard to focus.

whatever. goodnight

went to the doctor today...

I'll find out on Wednesday which one I have...great huh? The last couple weeks of my summer and Im pretty much bed ridden..not a good mood..and I wish people would let meknow that they care and they hope Im doing ok....


2 results for: tonsilitis
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Strep Throat----Learn the Signs & Symptoms of Strep Throat, More Infor Inside!diseasesofthemouth.comStrep Throat Tonsilitis3 Easy-to-Find Ingredients Are The Key To Cure Strep Throat, Try it!StrepThroatCure.com/FreeInfoMedical DictionaryFind On Line Medical Dictionary. Search On Line Medical Dictionary.AllTheMedicalDictionary.info Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary - Cite This Source
Tonsilitis
\Ton`sil*i"tis\, n. [NL. See Tonsil, and -itis.] (Med.) Inflammation of the tonsil; quinsy. [Written also, and more usually, tonsillitis.]
Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.On-line Medical Dictionary - Cite This Source
tonsilitis
tonsilitis: in CancerWEB's On-line Medical Dictionary
On-line Medical Dictionary, © 1997-98 Academic Medical Publishing & CancerWEB



strep throat
–noun Pathology.
an acute sore throat caused by hemolytic streptococci and accompanied by fever and prostration.
[Origin: 1925–30]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source
strep throat n. An infection of the throat, often epidemic, caused by hemolytic streptococci and characterized by fever and inflammation of the tonsils. (Download Now or Buy the Book)
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.WordNet - Cite This Source
strep throat
noun
an infection of the oral pharynx and tonsils by streptococcus [syn: streptococcal sore throat]
WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.The American Heritage Science Dictionary - Cite This Source
strep throat (strěp) Pronunciation Key Infection of the throat caused by the bacterium Streptococcus pyogenes. Symptoms usually include fever, redness of the throat, lymph node enlargement, and inflammation of the tonsils.
The American Heritage® Science DictionaryCopyright © 2002 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition - Cite This Source strep throat
A severe sore throat caused by a kind of streptococcus. Strep throat can be treated with antibiotics.[Chapter:] Medicine and Health
The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third EditionCopyright © 2005 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.American Heritage Stedman's Medical Dictionary - Cite This Source
strep throatn.
See septic sore throat.
The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical DictionaryCopyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary - Cite This Source
Main Entry: strep throatFunction: noun: an inflammatory sore throat caused by hemolytic streptococci and marked by fever, prostration, and toxemia called also septic sore throat, strep sore throat