To post..or not to post...

That is the question that I have been asking myself for almost a week now. Just because I'm not sure who, and how often they read my blog. And I always try to put myself in others shoes...but today..no, this is my blog, and if you don't like what I have to say..then there is a little 'x' in the top right hand corner of the screen..feel free to click it to navigate away from my page.

Wow..bad attitude. But today, well..I just don't care. You don't care, so why should I?

I am probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should, like most things in my life..but I'm upset, and a little hurt. So I'm going to blog about it.

Lets make this in to a hypothetical situation shall we?

Lets say, one way or another, you start talking to this guy. He is cute too. And you are kind of (not so secretly) thinking that this might actually go somewhere..someday, because he doesn't live in the same state, like he lives 10 hours way. Which..to you..isn't really that big of a deal, because there won't be any 'intimate' moments, shall we say, until you get married anyway. And you're actually excited about going to visit him, and taking a mini vacation together to, lets say, Chicago. {This is coming off in a way more 'pissed off' tone than I'd like..but again, ohwell} You've even put in lots of time and thought into this guy, because you're excited and happy. Then..a new month rolls around, and he is jam packed with plans, no big deal, you think, you'll just back off this month a little , and then next month, is the month you're suppose to go to Chicago, so that's great! But little by little, you can tell he's losing interest, just by the way when you e-mail or text him and ask him how his weekend went, he's happy to tell you in about 5 words, and then doesn't ask about your weekend, or even how you're doing. Then finally..you go days inbetween hearing from him, or rather hearing back from him, because you are always initiating the e-mails/phonecalls/text messages. And then you dig deep down for enough courage to ask that scary question ' we're not getting together anymore, are we" You don't even add a question mark, because honestly, you know it's just a statement. He lets you know the next day that he feels that you two don't hardly talk anymore, so he's not sure. So you e-mail him, to let him know that you do still really want to see him. When there is no response for over 2 hours, you text him, asking for thoughts on your e-mail...when there are just crickets for over the 6 + hours, you tell him that you'll just take it as he'd prefer not to talk anymore, unless he tells you otherwise, and have a great weekend. And that's it. The guy that tells you that 'not all guys are the same' and not every guy is going to hurt me or be a jerk to me. There are still good guys, like him, out there and I'll see.

Thanks for proving my thoughts on guys right, Tom.

whew...I have been upset about for almost a week now :) I feel better. Life moves on I know. I'm sure I'll meet an amazing guy someday, and even if I don't.... he did make me see that I can get excited about a guy again. So that's good news.


This post is bumming me out, so I'm done for now. I have lots of excited news to share though, so maybe I'll post after I get some more coffee..that always cheers me up. ..too bad you can't date a beverage.

Ah-Ha

Have you ever heard that expression? Someone had their 'ah- ha' moment? whether it be, they saw that they needed to lose weight, or they did something the wrong way, or realized that wait a minute, if I do this, I will get a different outcome!?

Well I had one today. My ah-ha moment is that I realize that people think I am spoiled and don't know how to fend for myself or take care of anything. Which, as I'm standing here, feeling sick to my stomach, maybe it's true? My parents have sheltered/spoiled/taken care of/ looked out for, me on overtime since we found out I had arthritis. Maybe I did take that for granted? I always always appreciated it though. I have been blessed with such great parents. But there comes a time where you need to grow up, mine is now, since I can no longer be covered under their insurance.
Deep breath, and no crying.


My dad has excellent insurance, and now as I am trying to find my own, and figure out a way to pay for it(my car, my credit card, my cell phone, my many medications, dr. visits, etc) I am a little worried. I am also trying to not to freak out over the information overload. I have no idea what any of the insurance jargon means, or if it's a good 'deal' for my situation, or if it's too much money, or if I should call this number for 'kids' getting off of their parents insurance. . . . which I don't want to do, I just want to be able to do one damn thing by myself.
This is where certain people, have made me feel ridiculous for asking certain questions, or not knowing certain things. Certain people, that just offer up their opinion, my feelings be damned. I feel like I am going to make a mistake because now I feel like I have to prove it to everyone around me(with the exceptions of my parents, and you Mama), that I can handle things by myself, with no help. And apparently no hours at work. (different story for a different time)

I feel defeated, and like I am not going to ever be independent. Now I don't want to get married more than ever.

Sorry about the 'woe is me' post, I just don't have anyone to vent to...

....

I really wanted to post something today, but I just can't come up with anything fun. I guess I can come up with a few randoms?

~It's raining.
*when it rains like this, it reminds me of a time when I was working downtown and my PB went and got his car out of his lot(that was free) and pulled up to the front doors of our building..bought a newspaper for me to use as an umbrella, opened my door so I could run right into his SUV and then brought me to my parking lot, which was about a block and a half away, paid $3.00 to get in that lot and pulled up right next to my car, opened the door on my car, started my car, and then opened my door on his car.

~ I hate when people feel entitled or deserving.

~ I will be leaving my house for work at 4:30am for the next 2 days, and won't be getting home until about 10pm. yikes.

~I'm looking forward to my pedicure on Friday

~I think I'm going to Washington D.C. in July.

~I am feeling needy lately, I don't like it.

~I ignored RD's attempt at manipulation last night, pretty proud. Mama?

~I miss Brylee.

~I hate when friendships feel one-sided.

~I think I burned myself at the tanner last night. oops

~I'm nervous about a big decision I have to make in the next 10 days.

~I'm done; have a good day :)

Random's

So today, is alittle slow at work..so I am 'blog bouncing' as I like to call it(starting now), and I found this girl that had a random list of things, and I heart randoms!



{1.} I am 24 years old..wow it feels wierd to say that!

{2.} I am excited for my little alone 'adventure' this weekend!

{3.} I have to get my own health insurance by this month!

{4.} I'm scared about that!

{5.} I don't like growing up

{6.} I never thought I'd have to do this by myself.

{7.} I have to 'pop' my left elbow several times a day

{8.} I'm not sure marriage is in my future.

{9.} I think I might be okay with that.

{10.} I think this girl, MH, is awesome for helping me through this blog on gmail chat, thank you!

{11.} I would make a great assistant because I am excellent at anticipating needs

{12.} I am glad that AC will forever remember my birthday because of what happened on it!!(conrats again!)

{13.} Just between Monday and Tuesday, I had already worked 30 hours.

{14.} My friends got me so many amazing gifts for my birthday.

{15.} I heart Jesus.

{16.} Only an hour left of this job today! Woo!

{17.} I feel disconnected to a few certian people lately, and I wish that was different.

{18.} I am going to pray on how to fix this.

{19.} I would like Kristi , JSC, and Angela to send post some randoms too!

ps; Life- live it & love it.

Rough.

Today....I am struggling. All of a sudden my eyelids weigh about a gazillion pounds and I yawn every 2 minutes.

I. am. tired.
not just tired. tired. BIG difference.

I have had a ton on my mind with the Arthritis Walk, I have even dreamed about it! So I haven't been sleeping as well as I could. Then yesterday, as I was parking my car in my garage and unloading my bags of things from my day, my phone rings. There were a few people I thought it could be, but it wasn't.

It was my PB . That's right! A phone call out of the blue. I love those. We got to talk for a little over an hour and a half and catch up on how our weekends were. He is doing a bunch of travelling for the next few days (lucky!), and we got to talk about our upcoming week too. Then we talked about my birthday dinner :) He promised that he'd take out to dinner, but there is a small situation because he lives almost an hour away. So we obviously need to plan a little bit. The place I work is awesome enough(most days..some days..every now and then?) to let us have a free room in our birthday month, as long as its not super busy. Which it's not next weekend. So we were talking about going out to dinner, he won't tell me where, and a drink and maybe a movie or something. Then he doesn't have to drive all the way home! Perfect! I am pretty darn excited about this non date birthday dinner. :)

Then in July, for his birthday, I'll head to where he lives and stay in a hotel room, and buy him dinner :) Only he'll be paying for my hotel room. I love having out of town friends :)


I can't think of anything else to write, Noodles.

ps-

I know I haven't updated my 101 things in 1001 days..I will..very soon..I promise!

*Wonderful

I had the best weekend! It was filled with my closest friends and family.

The Arthritis Walk was a huge hit, I had 38 people on my team walking for me! It was such a blessing to have everyone show their support for me.

To get mushy, for just a second, it meant the world to me to have my brother there. If you know him(or have ever heard me talk about him), he is not a people person like I am, we are complete opposites. He doesn't like big crowds, or doing things that he doesn't know exactly what is going to happen. He just doesn't (hardly ever) step out of his comfort zone. And he did. Twice. For his little sister. He drove 40 minutes to Rockford, was in a huge crowd (he even looked silly and did the stretches), he walked 3 miles (which completely wore him out because he smokes) and was surrounded by people the entire time, and he still had time to goof off with his wife and Baby B (who looked stinkin' cute in the bib her Auntie made her). I thought for sure he would want to get to their truck right away and head home. And instead, they stayed, took an enormous amount of pictures AND went to lunch with pretty much the whole dang team. God is at work in his heart, I can just feel it. okay okay..tearing up...switching subjects.

Speaking of Baby B..

It also meant so much to have one of my best friends there with me, even though she couldn't walk. Luckily JSC has a pretty amazing boyfriend(see below) that pushed her the whole 3 miles in a wheel chair. Thanks ducky, it made my day that much more special to have you there, even though you were freezing. I really really appreciate you and your friendship.

Okay! Seriously!

After the Walk we went to Perkins (not Bob Evans JSC) and had the rudest waitress. But it was still fun and the food was pretty good. I had my cheeseburger and then M's bacon and her pancakes..yum!

L, J, & C coloring at Lunch :)

The whole team :)

O & A being their super cute selves!

Then I got to go home and take a 2 hour nap, let me tell you, that felt good! After that I got dressed for the little gathering of family and friends at K.T. & J.T.'s house! That was so fun, and the cake was so dang good! Probably because it had pink frosting and pink filling. M and I headed downtown to Monte's after a while and had a fuzzy navel..can you say good? seriously. It was good time, plus we met some Random's in the parking lot who took our picture and gave me a dollar because we were celebrating my birthday! awesome.

My beautiful cake!

I heart Presents!
JSC, Me, O, & JV

me, M, & SM



me & M downtown :) love her!

Yesterday I stayed in my PJ's allllllll day. Did laundry and dishes and watched a lot of TV. Plus had all my windows open in my 3 season room, and my front door too! I heart spring, a lot.