Grade: { F- }

I feel like I haven't been a very strong Christian lately. I have let certain {bad} things/people surround me. I hate how sexual the world (my hometown) has become. Suddenly it's acceptable to say inappropriate things to just anyone.

Makes me feel a little sick to my stomach to even think about them.

I am all for joking around and having a good time and even being flirty at times.

This is what makes me think that I don't want to get married anymore. I know there are good guys out there, {This guy that I work with actually helped me see that last night} but I'm just not sure it's worth it, because most of the men in my life{married, in a relationship or single}, are not living like the men of God I thought they were. I know no one is perfect or right all the time..but they should know not to be that WRONG.

Agh!

On a lighter note, I am excited to spend some quality time with my one of my BFF's tonight. We had some good girl time on Saturday, and tonight will be so much fun. Even though we were together for a couple of hours on Saturday, there are still SO many things I want to talk and pray about with her tonight! ps-JSC I thought our cravings for food :) We have quite the interesting palates love!

ps- I wore my hair down and straight today..not sure how I like it :o/ BUT I do like some glasses I tried on yesterday,lets take a vote!!! Which one looks better?

He Has Risen!

Happy Easter!

The thing I love about this Holiday, is well, Jesus :) Easter signals hope and I love hope :)

I am working right now, from 7am-3pm today (can we say time and a half!?) and then hopefully going to my Aunties for a lovely Ham dinner! I love ham.

I want to thank everyone who has been praying for my family and I in our not so desirable situations that have been happening lately. I sure appreciate it!

Yesterday was good, considering. I was so sore that my manager at the optical office let me stay home from work. Thank you ND! So I went to brunch with my family then went out for coffee with KC & JS. I hadn't seen them in about a month, so it was good to check in and catch up. Then I went and gave Baby B her Easter presents (a photobook and teething rings) then went home to finish up some spring cleaning (call me lame, that's fine) and I get this phone call..that's right..a phone call! Not a text! It was my PB! Wondering how I was doing and how my weekend was going. He had e-mailed me earlier in the week saying how he was dreading this weekend because he had to move everything out of his condo on Saturday. That's all the time he had! So this weekend was going to be rough for him. So he was just kind of hanging out in his empty condo and wanted to check in. I told him I was being lame because I was kind of sore, and really..there wasn't much going on. So then he said we could hang out, and I was all over that! Of course I'm already in my PJ's and ready for bed (I know..and it was only 8:15!) so I was like okay...where should we meet? And he's all..well I can just come there, we can just hang out and catch up and chat. And all I could think is Thank you Jesus for putting me in a cleaning mood earlier in the day! So he came over, he drove 35 minutes(which totally blows my mind BTW) and I gave him a tour of my house, and we just sat on my couch and talked and talked and told stories and asked questions and just hung out. No TV, no radio, and it seemed like about a half hour had gone by and it had been 2 hours! And I had to work at 7, and he still needed to drive back to his buddies house where he'll be staying for the next couple weeks, which was about 45 minutes away. Plus he was tired from moving all of his stuff, and I was tired from just moving my crippled body all day, so we were pretty much falling asleep on the couch and yawning like crazy.
I can't even express in words how nice it was just to hang out with someone and have fun. We laughed so much, and it was just easy sitting there facing each other with our legs stretched out and talking. I hope it happens again soon. I'm just so happy to have a friendship that is 2 sided, not one person trying for more than what the other person wants. I hope that makes sense.

Whew! I need to take a break with the typing, because my wrists are getting a little sore, but there is a story about when I went to coffee that is quite interesting.

{UnTitled}

I am not doing good today. You would think I am PMSing, but I'm not! That was 2 weeks ago! But I am so dang emotional. I think it's partly I'm getting slightly depressed from being so sore. I mean..I already have limited movement as it is, and it's been taken away. I have to wake up a half hour earlier everyday because it takes me so much longer to shower, do my hair, get something to eat, forget about shaving my legs..I can't even get to my calf! So I feel gross..I feel ugly.



I think another thing that is making me sad is I just RSVP'd for my cousins wedding. For 1. So once again I get to have all of my family members, and I do mean all of them ask me why I can't get a guy. Do they really think that makes me feel good? I know I'm over reacting here, but I am lonely damnit. Which is so frustrating, because ML is such a nice guy, and honestly, he has done all those cutsie/cheesey things I have wanted a guy to do (brought me a coffee to work, picked me up from my house, text AND call me, put me on his facebook status that he was excited about dinner), so why can't I just be happy and be in a relationship with him? Am I being too picky? I just don't like that he drinks so much. I like going out for drinks and stuff, don't get me wrong, but there has to be more. Plus I feel like he wants too much too quickly. I am not ready to spend the night and have a pancake breakfast..plus, from what he tells me, he goes to church with his parents because that's just what he's always done. And when I ask him why, he's like well..its Sunday, it's just what you do. no no no NO. WRONG answer! I want a Godly man, who goes to church to worship our Savior, to feel the Holy Spirit (Thanks Mama).



Whatever, I've gone on a long enough tangent about this, again. God will bring him to me when He knows I am good and ready. We all know I'm lacking in the patience department :)







So back to my original thought, I am not talking to anyone until after my infusion, in hopes it'll perk up my spirits a little.

God Bless, Happy Easter!

6 days and counting!

6 days until I can get my infusion...please GOD make this time go by FAST! I work everyday until then, so hopefully that'll help!

Yesterday, to say the least, was a not so good day. Everything happens for a reason though, and God has shown me some good :)

I was suppose to have a dinner & movie night with Cassie yesterday, but for whatever reason, our signals got crossed and it didn't happen, so I went out to dinner with ML. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings (SO good!) And I got Spicy Garlic Wings..just so he didn't get any ideas on kissing or anything. The dinner was fine, I guess. He is a nice guy, there is just nothing there, does that make sense? I want to be excited to go out with someone, and not want them to bring me home and can't wait to hear from them the next day. Not, trying to figure out what a legitimate excuse to not go out might be!

So, since I am Dating Girl now, I think I might out with JR again. The boxing match was interesting enough, and he wants to take me on a date out to Grand Haven. Grab some food and walk on the beach. Won't it be a little too cold to do that right now? Maybe we can post-pone it for a couple of weeks?


The good thing that happened last night is that I got to talk to my PB!!! We talked for about 2 hours and got caught up on the happenings in our lives, and talk about getting together. It was so nice. I can't wait to hang out with him. The dates that I have been going on...there has just been pressure ya know? Kind of wondering what they are thinking...or just not really enjoying the night, or thinking about other things..idk. So When PB and I hang out, it'll just be fun. Needless to say, I am excited!

Another thing that I am excited about is TD getting his Easter package today! I'm semi-bummed, since I ruined the surprise..but it's still a surprise as to what goodies are in the box! I really hope he likes it though :)

Anyway...please please send me your prayers, so I can hopefully stop limping!

Inspirations

I hate leaving my posts on a sour note. I hate feeling this way, all grumpy and uncomfortable.

So here are a few verses that have helped me feel better...enjoy :)


****Ezekiel 22:17
17Will your courage endure or your hands be strong in the day I deal with you? I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.The Effects Your Courage Will Have On Others

****Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

****Proverbs 3:5
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

****Deuteronomy 7:15
And the Lord will take away from you all sickness, and will afflict you with none of the terrible diseases of Egypt which you have known, but will lay them on all those who hate you."

****Psalm 103:2
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases ..."

****Jeremiah 30:17
"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds," says the Lord.

****Psalm 30:2
"O Lord my God, I cried out to You, and You have healed me."

****Matthew 12:15
"But when Jesus knew it, He withdrew from there; and great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them all."

****James 5:13
"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray."

ps- I am thinking about putting one of these on my Arthritis Walk T-shirts..what do you think? Which one?

Con; Case #1

Here is one reason that I am not a huge fan of living alone...

I know it's silly...and I know that I am 23 (almost 24! 1 month and 1 day away!)...but I had the worst, most awful dream this morning (last night?) that woke me up at 4:30-ish this morning, and I couldn't fall back to sleep.

And now, I feel sick..my stomach still has knots and I feel like I didn't get 'restful' sleep, if that makes sense. And the Tylenol and Methotrexite I took, aren't having their usual affect on me.
Let me set the scene; (get ready for run on sentences..sorry mama, I know you hate those!)

It was at my condo(go ahead Merr...mock me) and I was with this guy(no idea who he is) going over our lines (apparently I'm an actress or something?) and we hear something outside, so we go to the window and look, but can't really see anything, but something is out there and it sounds close. So we turn off the lights, to be able to see outside better, and there is a car, with its lights off, backing out of my driveway and driving back towards the main road and then it hits it's breaks and a guy comes running out of the bushes waving a shot gun and yelling something. Then the guy gets in the car and they drive away. Needless to say, this is not a regular occurrence around the condo community. So this guy that I was practicing lines with, says that I should probably call the cops, just to get someone over in the area. I agree and head to my room where my phone is charging and dial 911, for whatever reason, it dials my voicemail, and I have to listen to all of my saved messages before I can get to the emergency operator, and as I am going through them I hear a knock at my door, and my actor friend guy, kind of creeps back to the bathroom where I am on my phone(away from all the windows..duh!) and says it's the car we saw pulling away earlier. And then we hear a pounding at my door, and yelling, and a light bulb goes off and I recognize the voice, it's E, (the creeper who sent me all of those semi-scary e-mails and would not leave me alone around Valentines Day) and he was trying to get into my house! So my actor friend guy went to the door to tell him that I was out for a little while, and that he would let me know that he stopped by. All this while I am on my phone trying to get through to 911, and I am sitting on the stool I sit on to do my hair and make up in the morning. And there is this mirror in there that I can see down the hallway, but I can't see what's going on, but all I can hear is E, forcing his way inside, and yelling and I finally get through and tell the lady that I need a cop to come right over, and give her my address, and she's telling me that, that is the wrong address, and that I need to try again. And all of a sudden I feel very heavy, and lean my head against the wall, and I can't make my mouth move and my eyes start closing, and I can't lift my head from against the wall, and I woke up.

So I locked my bedroom door and my bathroom door when I showered and I must have tensed up in my dream, because I could hardly lift my arms high enough to shampoo my hair, and driving was really hard! I know its probably just because I am WAY past due for my infusion. I just have to wait 10 more days. But it's getting hard to sleep through the night, because I can't get comfortable, and writing is starting to hurt, I almost couldn't hold Baby B, yesterday.

Sorry for the whiney-ness.

I'm done for now.

$$$$$$$

That's right! I am getting so many more donations than I thought..it's so amazing!

I have added 2 sponsors THIS MORNING! That's right..saleswoman Rachel here ;o) haha.

I had just a productive morning today..it was so nice to sleep in until 8:42am and then got to work! I called around to a couple of different places to get my shirts made, and found an awesome deal..with a couple of guys that I went to high school with! It's just a great day!!

I don't even mind that I am scheduled to work 3pm-11pm today, mainly because it is SO SLOW at the H.I. that my ass will be out of here by 7:30 at the very latest! That's only 3 1/2 hours away!

I still can't decided on colors for the shirts and writing. I know I don't want to do a bright green with blue writing, not because that won't look good, because I know it does, but because JSC used that for the ALS walk we did in October! So I wanted to do something different!

What about orange with navy writing?
Or red with grey writing?
I feel like yellow washes me out, but I could go tanning and do something fun with bright yellow.

I need suggestions!


Ok, I am off to get my work done so I can get OUT OF HERE!

Have a nice day :)