Scared

http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/news/Two_Wyoming_schools_vandalized

This is my middle school and high school. The damage was done by two guys that were in my graduating class.

This is why I am scared. What will the world be like when Colin gets to high school? Or even when my kids get to high school? It terrifies me. Those guys had been graduated from high school for almost 6 years, and they still went back to cause $25,000 worth of damage.

I just pray that somehow God will change the hearts of people so there is not this kind of terror in the world.

please.

?

This is my life right now.


I feel like I am on 'auto pilot' for everything, because I have no idea what I want, or where my life is going.

I don't feel upset over anything, in my personal life. Things are for the most part, fine. I am healthy(not sick with a cold or flu or anything), Brylee is doing better. I have been spending time with my mom. I started Weight Watchers with a group of family/friends. I am very excited about this. We are going to have weekly 'weigh-ins", but it'll be private. But it's a chance to see how each other is doing and share some new recipes and walk together and even play the Wii! Spending time with my cousin-in-law to be, which is particularly important to me right now, since my cousin, J, is in the Marines and will be gone until at least August. That is hard. So we went for coffee and she is going to be coming to be joining us for weekly meetings and walks when she doesn't have class. It's nice to have something to look forward to. We also plan to watch the bachelor at our meetings. Man I love that show!

One thing I have been struggling with lately, is sleep. I feel like I fall asleep around midnight-ish each night. Which isn't terrible. But when my neighbors, (who are 55+) start rocking and rolling around 12:30am-2:30am, that keeps me up and I can't fall back to sleep right away. So I've tried sleeping on my couch, but I don't sleep a 'good' sleep. I am in the middle of writing a 'polite' complaint. If that makes sense.

I am looking forward to next Friday. I am getting my infusion. I am very interested to see how my joints are doing and more importantly my red blood cell count, or my hemoglobin. And see if I can warm my specialist up to the idea of me getting a tattoo :) Wish me luck!

The weight of the ? is heavy though. My neck and shoulders hurt. This time of year depresses me. I know it affects a lot of people though.
It is becoming more apparent at work that I need to find another job. It hurts to say this, because there are some people there that I just don't want to leave. It has been made clear that I am replaceable, and just an employee who's feelings or personal life schedule does not matter. Kris, I'm sorry, but I have to vent!

I have an interview on the 26th, so pray that goes well!

I am done venting for now. Mainly because looking down at the screen is reeking havoc on my neck.

Mama, I miss you!
Angela..take care of her!

Sensitive to Life.

That's how I feel right now.

My head is sensitive to sound, as I have THE worst headache I've had since I can remember..probably because I was crying so hard I actually made myself throw up last night...er this morning, it was after midnight that's for sure.

My eyes are sensitive to light, as my lids are swollen from crying so hard, I thought they'd bruise from being clamped shut so hard.

My voice is sensitive and tired, from yelling out to God last night for some sort of understanding. For trying to voice my frustrations with Him, for crying out to feel Him in anyway I could.

My back, arms, and legs are sensitive to movement, because I shoveled my brothers driveway(ok only half of it) yesterday. I haven't shoveled in OVER 10 years. yikes.

My heart is sensitive with longing, because as I held my niece yesterday, I realized how far away I am from being able to have my own kids.

My feelings are OVERLY sensitive, from my lack of sleep. So they are hurting from not getting a call back from of my best friends when I REALLY needed to someone to talk to last night. When I feel like I have been avoiding a certain friend, because I have been overly sensitive, and don't want to make TOO much out of a situation.
Also, because a boy that I was trying to have a good time getting to know, let me know that we can't be more than just friends if we are not physical(ie; sex). I am trying to not take it personally, since we didn't really know each other that well. I am trying to hold onto my faith with both hands. Knowing that God saw me take a stand for what I believe in (Him) and am not going to settle for less than someone who will worship with me. Wow, this is hard. I keep getting told it will all be worth it someday, the wait I mean. When I find that special someone. But damn. Hurry up!

My paranoia is overly sensitive, as I look up from this post and find 4 guests looking at me. Creepy.


To be left on a good note; I am glad to be working with Kristi today, even if we don't talk about my sensitivity, I know I will laugh and have a better day once she gets here.
I also will have a new post coming soon, about my *niece* Brylee May, and yes, there will be pictures. Angela, if you read this, thank you so much for texting with me. She's home and doing very well. Except, I'm sure she misses her Auntie Rachel.

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Today, my Grandpa W. would have been 81.

I just wanted to let him know, in writing, that even though he is not here on Earth with us, I am still thinking about him, celebrating the day of his birth, and don't go a day with out praying for him.

I love you Grandpa! Miss you too.

Over Thinker, Party of one

I always over think things. I know this is not always the best way to go out things. Just so you know, I'm aware of this fault of mine.


So, I met a guy. Kind of. We'll call him Soldier, cause he is one.

We went to high school together, he was in the class below me. Not that I ever talked to him. He was an underclassmen, and psh..they were just babies :) But because of the wonders of facebook..we became 'friends' because on facebook, you kind of just friend everyone that you 'know' or have 'met' ya know?

Anyhow, one night I was kind of just browsing around and, on facebook they have a 'home page' they has little mini feeds of what your 'friends' have been up to. And Someone had written on this guys wall. So I decided to check out his page, see what he's been up to. He had a really cute profile picture of him running in a Disney Marathon with the Epcot ball behind him, and I kinda thought, what the heck..it's not like I know him. So I decided to e-mail him and tell him that I liked his profile picture. About 5 minutes later..I got an email back! He said thanks and that he liked mine too :) And what had I been up to? Had we talked since high school even? So I e-mailed him back..and I said..Did we even ever talk in high school? Told him what I had been up to and what not (that's for your Kris). We emailed back and forth a couple times a day for a couple days, then we started talking on the phone. It was nice :)

On the 30th of December, I decided to be spontaneous (for once!) and call him when I was on the road and had him tell him where he lived so I could bring him Christmas Cookies to him :) it was awkward! haha..but he liked the cookies and that's what counts :) Then on New Years, we talked until 4 in the morning, when I had to work at 9! It was worth it though. He sang to me haha..needless to say he had been drinking!

And then last night, we FINALLY went out :) Boy was I nervous. I hate this part of 'dating' I haven't been on a first date, or really hang out even with a guy in 3 years! I was sweating and my legs were shaking and everything! Afterwards my neck hurt from being so tense and my leg muscles hurt today! Ridiculous!

We met at the Mall and saw Yes Man. He paid :) So it was kind of like a half a date! It was SUPER funny and we had a good time, but we both had places to be after, so we left..and I'm not sure, but I think he wanted to give me a hug goodbye, but he didn't. I think it might have been because we were in the mall and it felt like everyone was staring at us, because we were the only 'couple' that wasn't holding hands or had their arms around each other.
We talked later last night too, and we're thinking about going to a couple of museums and renting The Dark Knight.

It was kind of awkward, but not a bad awkward. I just have some concerns, which is why the title of my post today is so appropriate. Here they are in random order:

He was engaged. Semi-recently.
He is in the Army.
He'll be starting in the reserves (2 weekends a month, 1 week a year) in February
He'll be leaving for GA or OK in October for 6 weeks, then to AZ for 6 months, and then probably to NC for who knows how long. I'm not sure I'm okay with that.
He has a tattoo of his zodiac sign..really.
He is 15 months and 4 days younger than I am.


Stay Tuned...

:)

Noodles

Ha Winnie! Beat ya!

So tonight was quite the adventure!

Winnie was SUCH a good friend and even though she doesnt like going out to bars/clubs she was said she would for me because I had no one else to go with. Thanks again! Anyway, she said she'd go with me down to Monte's to see my friend Seth whom I havent see in a while and he wanted to introduce me to his new girlfriend. So we get ready and I wear THE MOST impractical shoes for this time of year..they are from Aldo they have a pointy toe and just a little strappy thing on the top and no sides..oh and NO grip for the 23432309842039 inches of snow that is falling outside. And of course there is no good parking so we had to walk like 4 blocks..not cool, and I didnt want to carry my purse, so I just brought cash, my ID and my camera. Then we get up there and there is a HUGE line! like 20ish people deep..and it is NOT moving! so we waited 15 or so minutes and decided to leave because it was freezing. and then Winnie went and got the car so I didnt have to walk all the way back..shes so great!
But then there is this Guy..and we went to school together, and because of the lovely F@cebook, we have been emailing back and forth, and he saw my pictures of all of the Christmas cookies I had made..294 to be exact! so I found out where he lived and brought him some cookies and got to meet him face to face :) He was super nice. And he even sent me a cute text to let me know how good the cookies were.

Another big thing that happened tonight is that Winnie and I have decided(rather I wanted to and she just agreed because shes so easy going) to say noodles instead of goodbye. I wanted to put this in here, so in 20 years from now, when our kids ask why we say that, or when did we start saying that, we'll know it's because cooking noodles in my specialty :)

ok, I am off to bed, or sleep rather, because I am already in bed.

Noodles!

Wait...what?

I'm sorry..last I recall I was living in Grand Rapids, MICHIGAN..ya know..the place where it snowed like a gazillion inches twice last week! Then on Saturday it was 58 blooming degrees outside! umm..WTF???? It's still December! I can't wait until all the ruckus starts with Global Warming!

I don't exactly have a topic to blog about today, but I wanted to keep up on my blogging, since Kristi, although is not a follower of mine, says she checks it often. So K-dizzle..I want proof! So when you read this, tell me something like Papa Bear and Pumpkin Donuts! :) I expect to hear something with in days..you have been warned :)

Plus my bff just sarted a blog! Hay JSC! Heeeeeeeeeeeyyy..it's an inside thing!

What else what else what else?!!?!?!

Maybe I should do some work..and then maybe I'll think of something to actually blog about :)

ps.. Remember, God is smarter than you. :)