That is the sound of air coming out of my lungs with an exasperated disapointed sigh.
WHY do I let myself get SO excited about things? I get my hopes up and then SMASH..they get crushed. I feel like I am so ready to GO...to let God fully take the reins and lead me to something more.
I wish my friends would actually go through with these fun ideas that we have..we're only young once ya know? Lets live it up! I do love how some of my friends are all 'carpe diem' about things..but we aren't 16 anymore either..we do have responsibilities..lets think ahead too..is that so hard?
Now my mood definitely fits this gloomy rainy cold day.
Looks like I am going to have to do things on my own.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Puzzled
I don't know how people blog everyday..or every other day. My life is just not that exciting.
My Tuesdays and Thursdays are just work and school;
Tuesdays I work from 7:00am-3:00pm and then have class from 5:45pm-10:00pm
Thursdays I have class from 11:30am-2:45pm and then I work from 4:00pm-11:00pm
I have been busy on the weekends, with the ALS walk and the Breast Cancer Awareness Walk, Weddings, Baby Showers to come, seeing my friends and trying not to get sick..which I am completely on the verge of. My left gland is swollen and I am trying to drink as much Vitamin C as I can and just relax and not over-do on the extra curricular's.
I hate the sound of vaccuums. Hate hate hate them!
I want to move to Troy and work with Dawn at the Arthritis Foundation.
There...that is my randomness for the day.
My Tuesdays and Thursdays are just work and school;
Tuesdays I work from 7:00am-3:00pm and then have class from 5:45pm-10:00pm
Thursdays I have class from 11:30am-2:45pm and then I work from 4:00pm-11:00pm
I have been busy on the weekends, with the ALS walk and the Breast Cancer Awareness Walk, Weddings, Baby Showers to come, seeing my friends and trying not to get sick..which I am completely on the verge of. My left gland is swollen and I am trying to drink as much Vitamin C as I can and just relax and not over-do on the extra curricular's.
I hate the sound of vaccuums. Hate hate hate them!
I want to move to Troy and work with Dawn at the Arthritis Foundation.
There...that is my randomness for the day.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Rain Rain Go Away...
This weather can seriously kiss my butt.
It's gloomy and kind of raining, but not really..so its like a mist, a nasty cold unwanted mist. It makes me achey and limp. I'm annoyed by the weather.
The more I think about it..October is a VERY busy month for me!
October 3 is Erins birthday
October 4 is Sara and Steves Wedding
October 7 is Courtneys Birthday
October 10 is my Grandma's Birthday
October 11 is the ALS walk with Cassie for her Dad
October 17 is my cousin Alisons birthday
October 18 is the Breast Cancer Awareness Walk, Apple Picking, and Girls Night
October 21 is Cassies Birthday
Then obviously Halloween, but I am working so that's not too big of a deal.
I also start my Badminton Class October 23!!
I am pretty sure that my grandparents anniversary is in there somewhere too. I think on the 7th?
I could even have a niece still in October, hopefully not...but if Courtney doesn't start feeling better, it's a possibility!
Hopefully November will be a little bit of a better month..not as busy. I miss my friends! I havent seen Melissa in a couple weeks..I havent seen Cassie in even longer and I am almost forgetting what Erin looks like! It's a good thing I dont have a boyfriend :) atleast thats what I keep telling myself..
I guess thats all for now
It's gloomy and kind of raining, but not really..so its like a mist, a nasty cold unwanted mist. It makes me achey and limp. I'm annoyed by the weather.
The more I think about it..October is a VERY busy month for me!
October 3 is Erins birthday
October 4 is Sara and Steves Wedding
October 7 is Courtneys Birthday
October 10 is my Grandma's Birthday
October 11 is the ALS walk with Cassie for her Dad
October 17 is my cousin Alisons birthday
October 18 is the Breast Cancer Awareness Walk, Apple Picking, and Girls Night
October 21 is Cassies Birthday
Then obviously Halloween, but I am working so that's not too big of a deal.
I also start my Badminton Class October 23!!
I am pretty sure that my grandparents anniversary is in there somewhere too. I think on the 7th?
I could even have a niece still in October, hopefully not...but if Courtney doesn't start feeling better, it's a possibility!
Hopefully November will be a little bit of a better month..not as busy. I miss my friends! I havent seen Melissa in a couple weeks..I havent seen Cassie in even longer and I am almost forgetting what Erin looks like! It's a good thing I dont have a boyfriend :) atleast thats what I keep telling myself..
I guess thats all for now
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Apologetic...
I feel bad that I haven't posted in forever.
I feel like I need to censor what I type because SO many people have the link to this page, and while I don't believe most of them read it, they still have the option of being bored one day and reading through most of my posts and finding something they don't like.
Love is giving me the run around lately. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to have been married when I was 21..first kid at 22-ish..and the bam bam bam..3 kids pretty much right in a row. That's how I thought my life would be. So when I think about how I am 23, single, and with out the desire to date, it makes me sad. I'd like to think that when(if) I do get married..it will be for always and forever. But with recent events that have happened in peoples lives around me...it has caused me to question everything. How am I to know? I know who I desire to be with, what kind of lifestyle I desire to have..but when someone whom Ive known, who I thought....though weird...had a 'picture perfect' marriage, divorces..it breaks my heart.
That brings me to another question..how do you know that you are over a past relationship? How do you even get over a past relationship when you don't want to? How do you get rid of the feeling that makes your stomach hurt every day because you know you care for them more than they care for you? All these questions have been running through my head over and over and over.... no wonder I haven't been able to sleep through the night in 24 days.
I think I've mentioned in previous posts that Ive moved out of my parents house..into a condo..that my grandmother owns...here's the story..:
My grandma and grandpa moved into that condo..umm..maybe 10 years ago? (that's a rough estimate) and as of a couple years my grandma hasn't been fairing so well physically. She is in a wheelchair, and had broken one of her arms(?) so her shoulders tended to get sore quickly..plus she has had a slew of illness'; from C-Diff..to dehydration..she was in the hospital and a nursing home quite a bit. Then my grandpa started to lose weight rapidly and started to pretty weak..it can't be easy pushing someone in a wheel chair all around..and helping them into bed..by he was SUCH a good husband that he did it for my grandma, no questions asked. Finally..last November, my dad and mom moved them into a retirement home/ assisted living center. It is the best center I have ever been to! They genuinely care about their residents. I think in my grandparents mind, this was only a temporary move...to kind of give my grandpa kind of a break, to give him some help with helping my grandma, so that maybe he could gain some weight, be able to relax for a little while. So they did not sell their condo. However, this was not the case..I think it was January-ish that my Grandpa found out that his lung cancer was back, badly. The Dr's gave him 3-5 months. And while I tear up when I say this, I believe my grandpa made it just past 5 months before he went to be with his Lord. Rest in Peace Grandpa, we all love you so incredibly much, and miss you more than I thought it was possible to miss someone. I will always remember the last time I saw you..it was the day I was in the paper..and my mom and dad were out of town, so I thought I would drop in and see you and grandma for a few minutes to help break up your day..you were laying on the bed and grandma was at the table..I talked to grandma for a few minutes and we decided to go for a little walk to give you some quiet. When we got back you kept calling me 'that hot chick that's in the paper'..I crawled onto the bed to lay by you and leaned over so you could give me a kiss on the cheek before I left. It was perfect grandpa..absolutely perfect.
Getting back on track;
Now obviously my grandma cannot live alone. The assisted living center is where she needs to stay. But there was an issue with their condo, she does not want to sell it yet, I think it makes her sad to think that she can't be by herself, and plus that is the last 'place' that her and my grandpa lived together, there are lots of great memories there..I don't think she is ready to let go yet. This is where I come in. Eventually the condo will need to be sold, when is unclear. But as my aunt says, a place is easier to sell when their are people living in it. So I moved in. The weekend of July 4th my parents and I scrubbed and cleaned and moved me in.
So that's it...I am lucky enough to be living in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, floor condo. Alone. Now if that story doesn't scream how blessed I am..I don't know what will.
Whew! Talk about a lengthy post!
I feel like I need to censor what I type because SO many people have the link to this page, and while I don't believe most of them read it, they still have the option of being bored one day and reading through most of my posts and finding something they don't like.
Love is giving me the run around lately. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to have been married when I was 21..first kid at 22-ish..and the bam bam bam..3 kids pretty much right in a row. That's how I thought my life would be. So when I think about how I am 23, single, and with out the desire to date, it makes me sad. I'd like to think that when(if) I do get married..it will be for always and forever. But with recent events that have happened in peoples lives around me...it has caused me to question everything. How am I to know? I know who I desire to be with, what kind of lifestyle I desire to have..but when someone whom Ive known, who I thought....though weird...had a 'picture perfect' marriage, divorces..it breaks my heart.
That brings me to another question..how do you know that you are over a past relationship? How do you even get over a past relationship when you don't want to? How do you get rid of the feeling that makes your stomach hurt every day because you know you care for them more than they care for you? All these questions have been running through my head over and over and over.... no wonder I haven't been able to sleep through the night in 24 days.
I think I've mentioned in previous posts that Ive moved out of my parents house..into a condo..that my grandmother owns...here's the story..:
My grandma and grandpa moved into that condo..umm..maybe 10 years ago? (that's a rough estimate) and as of a couple years my grandma hasn't been fairing so well physically. She is in a wheelchair, and had broken one of her arms(?) so her shoulders tended to get sore quickly..plus she has had a slew of illness'; from C-Diff..to dehydration..she was in the hospital and a nursing home quite a bit. Then my grandpa started to lose weight rapidly and started to pretty weak..it can't be easy pushing someone in a wheel chair all around..and helping them into bed..by he was SUCH a good husband that he did it for my grandma, no questions asked. Finally..last November, my dad and mom moved them into a retirement home/ assisted living center. It is the best center I have ever been to! They genuinely care about their residents. I think in my grandparents mind, this was only a temporary move...to kind of give my grandpa kind of a break, to give him some help with helping my grandma, so that maybe he could gain some weight, be able to relax for a little while. So they did not sell their condo. However, this was not the case..I think it was January-ish that my Grandpa found out that his lung cancer was back, badly. The Dr's gave him 3-5 months. And while I tear up when I say this, I believe my grandpa made it just past 5 months before he went to be with his Lord. Rest in Peace Grandpa, we all love you so incredibly much, and miss you more than I thought it was possible to miss someone. I will always remember the last time I saw you..it was the day I was in the paper..and my mom and dad were out of town, so I thought I would drop in and see you and grandma for a few minutes to help break up your day..you were laying on the bed and grandma was at the table..I talked to grandma for a few minutes and we decided to go for a little walk to give you some quiet. When we got back you kept calling me 'that hot chick that's in the paper'..I crawled onto the bed to lay by you and leaned over so you could give me a kiss on the cheek before I left. It was perfect grandpa..absolutely perfect.
Getting back on track;
Now obviously my grandma cannot live alone. The assisted living center is where she needs to stay. But there was an issue with their condo, she does not want to sell it yet, I think it makes her sad to think that she can't be by herself, and plus that is the last 'place' that her and my grandpa lived together, there are lots of great memories there..I don't think she is ready to let go yet. This is where I come in. Eventually the condo will need to be sold, when is unclear. But as my aunt says, a place is easier to sell when their are people living in it. So I moved in. The weekend of July 4th my parents and I scrubbed and cleaned and moved me in.
So that's it...I am lucky enough to be living in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, floor condo. Alone. Now if that story doesn't scream how blessed I am..I don't know what will.
Whew! Talk about a lengthy post!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
In Need....
I am struggling.
I am in need of prayer, even if only 2 people read this. :)
I'm not sure if I want to just put everything out there, on here..
I'm feeling let down, forgotten, not important enough or memorable.
I was on a down spiral for a while, and I thought this would help me, kind of pick me up, and help me stay up so I wouldn't go down again. And that thing that I thought would help, let me down. I agonize over this everyday, wondering why, what's wrong with me, how could it have happened? Gah..
I suppose it's made me more independent..and that's a HUGE plus. And because I'm dramatic today..it's also jaded me. I thought this would be my 'safe haven' of never ending support and encouragement and positiveness, and now I have this sour taste in my mouth.
When will I be memorable? When will people keep their word to me? Maybe this is God teaching me a lesson on patience? Maybe He's trying to tell me that I don't depend on Him enough?
To leave off on a lighter note..I am about half way done with my Camp Dakota post, so look for that in the next day or two :)
I am in need of prayer, even if only 2 people read this. :)
I'm not sure if I want to just put everything out there, on here..
I'm feeling let down, forgotten, not important enough or memorable.
I was on a down spiral for a while, and I thought this would help me, kind of pick me up, and help me stay up so I wouldn't go down again. And that thing that I thought would help, let me down. I agonize over this everyday, wondering why, what's wrong with me, how could it have happened? Gah..
I suppose it's made me more independent..and that's a HUGE plus. And because I'm dramatic today..it's also jaded me. I thought this would be my 'safe haven' of never ending support and encouragement and positiveness, and now I have this sour taste in my mouth.
When will I be memorable? When will people keep their word to me? Maybe this is God teaching me a lesson on patience? Maybe He's trying to tell me that I don't depend on Him enough?
To leave off on a lighter note..I am about half way done with my Camp Dakota post, so look for that in the next day or two :)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Excitement is in the air!
I am heading to Camp Dakota on Sunday, and I am so excited! It is a camp for visually and hearing impaired kids. But the week I'm going (7/27/08-8/01/08) they are also going to have kids with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis..for those of the 3 people that read this, just incase you don't know, that's what I have. I am so excited and feel so blessed to have this opportunity to be a counselor! I will be in charge of probably 3 girls, anywhere from the ages of 7-16. I can't wait to show them how great life can be, even with a disability. I hope I can be an uplifting influence to them. :)
Last night was amazing! I went to Mars Hill Bible Church and had the chance to Listen to Kent and Ed Dobson and man...does God speak clearly to me through those men! This was the first time I had heard Kent speak, but I have had the opportunity to meet Ed a couple of times with Stephen, he was quite the amazing man, Ed is. I can't wait to hear him speak again in a couple of weeks when I get back from camp!
ps- I think I want to go back to Vegas..soon..now I just need a job..a full time job...I'm open for suggestions!
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