Counting down the Hours

I have 21 Hours left before my flight leaves.
I have 15 Hours left to pack, everything.
I have 5 Hours left before I get to see my cousin who is in the Marines at my Grandma's House.
I have 4 Hours left of my shift at the Hampton Inn.
I have 1 1/2 Hours before I can eat.

I'm leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow, and I seriously can't wait. Even though I haven't started packing really anything yet..I'm excited.

I haven't been feeling at peace with a lot of things lately, relationships, jobs, myself. I toss and turn for hours before I actually fall asleep. I keep praying for the answers, maybe I'm just not looking close enough.

Whether he or I knew it or not, Stephen was a mentor for me in a lot of ways, especially spiritually. And know, he's not. Just like that. He was that person that I could turn to, that would pray out loud for me, that I could ask questions to, and know, because I fully believe I was following Jesus, he's gone. He was the 'charger' for my batteries of life haha. I would always have this sense of calm after I would talk to him about my problems. But maybe that's why things changed. I didn't rely on myself enough, but honestly, I miss his shoulder to cry on, and his advice, whether I took it or not, and just having him there. It's time to 'grow up' even though I feel like I've taken steps back since we broke up. I need to learn that I can trust myself and God, and He is all I truly need. I just can't wait for this loneliness to go away! It will someday..right?

Ok, enough with seriousness.

I think what I'm the most excited about is going somewhere new, the farthest West I've been is San Antonio Texas to see Chris graduate from Air Force Boot Camp.
Hopefully Erin and I are going to rent a car, and we'll go see The Hoover Dam, and that's in Arizona, so that'll be another state. Gosh I can't wait. Just 'talking' about it on here gets me even more excited!

We'll be gone for 8 days, Monday through Tuesday, then I'll be working for the next 7 days I think. Crazy. Oh and I'm looking for a new job, the Insurance Industries isn't quite what I thought..so I have high hopes for something new :)

But I should go, Erin will be here soon with my Chili's Chips and Salsa(yes, she spoils me).

Have a good day everyone!

Nervous.

I am nervous about this post.


I was at work during my previous post. Shortly after I got home that day, my grandfather passed away. Rest In Peace John Theodore Wustman Sr. , my grandfather, I love You.

It's been a long month, I have worried about my grandma, and how she'd handle his passing. She's amazing. Whew..I gotta be careful, I am tearing up already! That's why I'm nervous about this post. I don't want it to be a blubbering mess!

On to happier news, this past weekend (May 3rd, to be exact) I put together a team for The Arthritis Foundation Walk. There were 15 people on my team and we raised just about $300.00. The name of our team was The Pain Killers and our Sponsor was Big D's Audio (http://www.bigdsaudio.com/) I will try to upload some pictures of our shirts. It was a beautiful day and everyone completed the 3 miles..then we all went and met my grandma and aunt for lunch, which my grandma surprised everyone and picked up the bill..she loves to spoil us!

I have more to write, but I will try to just post often this week.

Take Care!

Up-lifting

Last night was a lonely night for me.


I know how blessed and well spoiled I am. I come from a good home, have 2 wonderful parents who love and adore me, an older brother that would do anything for me, and a handful of friends that are there when I need a good hug. But ever since Stephen and I 'broke up' I have had this loneliness, obviously.
So Ive been trying to deal with being more on my own, be more independent. But even though I know its inevitable, my grandfathers days are numbered and it's breaking my heart, I try to be strong for my parents and grandma, but I feel alone, I feel I don't have a 'rock' anymore..no one for me to cry on. I'm feeling feelings that I can' describe because I've never had anyone close to me pass away before.. I have high hopes for this new man in my life, I know He'll never let me know and always be there for me, no matter what. That's an amazing feeling, so I'm trying to grow with that and let Him guide me to happiness, because I know if I don't have Him, I won't be able to achieve happiness.
Dear Lord, my God, I am so blessed to be one of Your children, to have You be number 1 in my life, and to have this weight lifted by knowing You.
So Instead of watching TV to keep my mind on other things until I fell asleep like Ive been doing lately, I decided to read my bible in hopes of it calming me down and making me feel better. It of course, worked.

So just in case someone needs some uplifting-ness(yes I made that up), Here are a few verses that helped me:

Romans 8:38-8:39
38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jeremiah 1:5
5 "Before I started to put you together in your mother, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart as holy. I chose you to speak to the nations for Me."

Jeremiah 1:7-1:8
7 But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a boy.' You must go everywhere I send you. And you must say whatever I tell you. 8 Do not be afraid of them. For I am with you to take you out of trouble," says the Lord. (thanks Melissa!)


If anyone has anymore that they want to share let me know!

God Bless :)

The *list*

Ok so Kristi posted something about 101 things in 1001 days..and Im going to give it a try and since I won't be able to think of 101 things I want to accomplish in 1001 days..Im going to update this post often :)

Here we go:

1. Finish college!
2. Have a picnic in Millennium Park in Chicago by the Bean <3
3. Get a new job
4. Read the rest of my Bible
5. Hold Tara's baby!
6. Meet my 'nephew' Colin Isaac!!!
7. Visit Las Vegas
8. Lose 10lbs from the weight I am today (131lbs)
9. Pay off my credit card debt
10. Go back blond
11. Take less Methotrexite Pills
12. Attend church 8 consecutive weeks
13.Visit Nicks grave site
14. Learn how to do laundry haha
15. Go Camping
16. Raise my goal for the Arthritis walk for this year and years to come
17. Go to a church service by myself.
18. Watch Penelope walk!

This list was started on: 3-29-08

Updated on: 3-30-08

I'm working with Tara today. We're having a good time. I miss working at the hotel sometimes. I miss people and my girls and talking about nothing at all...or just whatever is going on at the time. I actually feel happy to come to work at the hotel now. My new 'fabulous' job hasnt turned out quite the way I had thought. Yes, my hours are amazing, and yes it could be a TON worse.

I feel like there is SO much I want to write..at the same time..I dont want to blog at all.

Sometimes I think I am SO beyond ready to be 'grown up' and married and wanting to have a family of my own. I want that feeling of a baby kicking..of having dinner ready and the laundry done when my husband gets home. Or even hearing the word 'mama' for the first time..

Then the other times..Im like..NO WAY. I am ONLY 22..I have lots of SINGLE non-parenthood life to live yet! I want to finish school..go on a trip or 2...idk..

Maybe its because Kristi just had Colin..and Tara is glowing with pregnancy and thats what makes me want those same kind of warm fuzzies.

Doesnt matter..Im single, trying to do my own thing..and thats good.

strangest post ever.

Seriously?

So because I heard on the radio the other day that Spring was cancelled, I decided Im going to go tanning and make my own damn sunshine. So today when I was laying in my bed of Grand Haven Beach (yes..I decided I was laying on the beach) I heard a baby cry, and I was all like..wtf? But then I thought..maybe the mom with her was just making a payment on her membership or maybe one her friends work there and she hadnt seen the baby yet because it sounded little.

But OH NO...the mom went tanning and took her baby in the room! But apparently she put a blanket over the car seat so I guess that makes it ok?



ps-Angela..don't date 'Old Date'

"Oh Dear..."

yes..that is an exact quote from my nurse today when she realized that oops..my blood was spilling out of my veins and onto my arm and clothes instead of going into the vile that it was suppose to. Nice.

I go once every 2 months to get a 2 hour injection. and its nice...because I no longer have to give myself an injection every week. Today I slept for the WHOLE thing pretty much and then i got home.,...ate 3 tacos and slept for another 4 hours...now..5 hours later..Im ready for bed again.

Im gonna go get a brownie and orange juice...thought I had more to write than this.