Lately, I'm not sure why, or to whom, but I have felt the need to prove myself, and my Independence.
I haven't been asking for help, with some of the things I should from the people around me, instead I am pushing myself too hard, and taking risks that I shouldn't.
I have been asking God for strength and courage to do a lot of things lately, when really I should be asking Him for patience and contentment.
And with that, Happy Independence Day everyone :)
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
.....
I have to admit, that I am a little tiny bit nervous about my next post. I have been thinking about what I am going to write since last Wednesday. And while, I am than willing to relive my 'weekend adventure' ....I'm also kind of wondering if a certain someone is going to read it.
Oh well right? This is my blog with my thoughts...so there :)
I will try to post a little more 'in depth', when I can.
Oh well right? This is my blog with my thoughts...so there :)
I will try to post a little more 'in depth', when I can.
BitterSweet ;
bittersweet-
–adjective
1.
both bitter and sweet to the taste: bittersweet chocolate.
2.
both pleasant and painful or regretful: a bittersweet memory.
Bitter is the feeling of driving 10 hours alone, back to my house, back to my life, back to a time with out him.
Bitter is the feeling of knowing that I have never be treated as well by any other man, than him.
Bitter is the feeling at my heart, knowing that I may never get to feel those feelings ever again.
Bitter, is the feeling of the battle I am fighting with myself, because I had convinced myself that this would not happen.
Sweet, however...
Sweet, is the feeling of his hand on the small of my back after he holds the door open for me as we walk into a restaurant.
Sweet, is the feeling of his breath on my lips, his hand buried in my hair, and pulling me closer...
Sweet, is the feeling of his hand on my knee, as we wait for the light to turn green
Sweet is the feeling that I have as he kisses my hands and makes me forget about every insecurity I've ever felt..
Sweet is the feeling I have when we're out to lunch, holding hands across the table, and I see an older woman looking at us, and then looks at her husband grabs his hand, and then winks at me with an understanding...
Sweet is the feeling that I hold on to each morning, when I want to get in my car, and drive 10 hours to do it all over again...
Sweet is, knowing that God was in this, and that He made it worth it..
Sweet is...
...this man.
–adjective
1.
both bitter and sweet to the taste: bittersweet chocolate.
2.
both pleasant and painful or regretful: a bittersweet memory.
Bitter is the feeling of driving 10 hours alone, back to my house, back to my life, back to a time with out him.
Bitter is the feeling of knowing that I have never be treated as well by any other man, than him.
Bitter is the feeling at my heart, knowing that I may never get to feel those feelings ever again.
Bitter, is the feeling of the battle I am fighting with myself, because I had convinced myself that this would not happen.
Sweet, however...
Sweet, is the feeling of his hand on the small of my back after he holds the door open for me as we walk into a restaurant.
Sweet, is the feeling of his breath on my lips, his hand buried in my hair, and pulling me closer...
Sweet, is the feeling of his hand on my knee, as we wait for the light to turn green
Sweet is the feeling that I have as he kisses my hands and makes me forget about every insecurity I've ever felt..
Sweet is the feeling I have when we're out to lunch, holding hands across the table, and I see an older woman looking at us, and then looks at her husband grabs his hand, and then winks at me with an understanding...
Sweet is the feeling that I hold on to each morning, when I want to get in my car, and drive 10 hours to do it all over again...
Sweet is, knowing that God was in this, and that He made it worth it..
Sweet is...
...this man.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
To my Unicorn...
It is so perfect that today is Fathers Day considering my yesterday with my dad :)
So, it was a GORGEOUS day yesterday..and after brunch, I went over to my parents house, picked up a couple of things that I needed and then decided to wash my car, my moms car, and my dads car..hoping to get a little bit of sun. My mom was potting some flowers, and since my parents just put another deck on their house, my dad was putting in a couple of flower beds for my mom(he is SO good to her!) And so when I was done washing, my mom and I were sitting on the deck above where my dad was working and basking in the sun..and we were looking down at him where he was pounding the last couple of boards into place when all of a sudden he drops the hammer and drops to one knee gripping his head. my mom flies down the side of the hill and I run to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth to clean out any wound he might have gotten. Somehow..as he was pounding in the nail...the head of the nail (that's the flat part, girls) flies off, and into his EYE! He tells my mom to tell me that he's fine (even though I am 24 years old..he still wants me to think he's indestructible...) and she did. After a little convincing from my mom, he jumps in the shower and we are off to Urgent Care. We get in pretty quickly and the dr. says he is SUPER lucky that it did not hit his Cornea, and he just got a little cut and it should be fine. Thank you JESUS for keeping him safe! So his vision is fine and he will be back to 100% in a few weeks. Boy was it scary though!
I hope and pray daily to find a man like my dad, I often joke with my parents, that because they spoil me so , that they have ruined me for a man :) It's hard to imagine that there might be another one out there as giving as he is. Another man that, if our daughter or son has something wrong with them, that they would start looking for a 2nd job so we could afford their medicine and doctor bills, or a man, coming home in his 3 piece suit would not only laugh, but join in on the water fight that was waiting for him behind the bushes and in the garage. ... Or a man that would stay up for countless hours with sick kids, rubbing their backs, getting them water, and fanning them, trying to break their fever. Is there a man out there that, when his daughter gets cramps for the first time and doesn't know whats going on, other than thinking she might be dying, will leave work to take her home from school, stop and buy her a chocolate chip cookie, a Slurpee, a new heating pad (he didn't know where ours was, and didn't want to make me wait while he looked), 3 movies, and then, when she just wanted to sit by him under her blanket, he sat there..engulfed in heat from the heating pad in June, sweating to death, but did not move because she finally fallen asleep.
I could go on and on and on about how good my dad has treated our WHOLE family..but I think you get the picture. This doesn't even touch what an amazing, patient, husband he is to my mom either..there isn't enough words for that. And although I don't think he reads my blog..just in case he does one day, and looks back through my posts, I want him to know that he is still my hero, my Unicorn, because men like him just don't exist :)
I love you Dad.
So, it was a GORGEOUS day yesterday..and after brunch, I went over to my parents house, picked up a couple of things that I needed and then decided to wash my car, my moms car, and my dads car..hoping to get a little bit of sun. My mom was potting some flowers, and since my parents just put another deck on their house, my dad was putting in a couple of flower beds for my mom(he is SO good to her!) And so when I was done washing, my mom and I were sitting on the deck above where my dad was working and basking in the sun..and we were looking down at him where he was pounding the last couple of boards into place when all of a sudden he drops the hammer and drops to one knee gripping his head. my mom flies down the side of the hill and I run to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth to clean out any wound he might have gotten. Somehow..as he was pounding in the nail...the head of the nail (that's the flat part, girls) flies off, and into his EYE! He tells my mom to tell me that he's fine (even though I am 24 years old..he still wants me to think he's indestructible...) and she did. After a little convincing from my mom, he jumps in the shower and we are off to Urgent Care. We get in pretty quickly and the dr. says he is SUPER lucky that it did not hit his Cornea, and he just got a little cut and it should be fine. Thank you JESUS for keeping him safe! So his vision is fine and he will be back to 100% in a few weeks. Boy was it scary though!
I hope and pray daily to find a man like my dad, I often joke with my parents, that because they spoil me so , that they have ruined me for a man :) It's hard to imagine that there might be another one out there as giving as he is. Another man that, if our daughter or son has something wrong with them, that they would start looking for a 2nd job so we could afford their medicine and doctor bills, or a man, coming home in his 3 piece suit would not only laugh, but join in on the water fight that was waiting for him behind the bushes and in the garage. ... Or a man that would stay up for countless hours with sick kids, rubbing their backs, getting them water, and fanning them, trying to break their fever. Is there a man out there that, when his daughter gets cramps for the first time and doesn't know whats going on, other than thinking she might be dying, will leave work to take her home from school, stop and buy her a chocolate chip cookie, a Slurpee, a new heating pad (he didn't know where ours was, and didn't want to make me wait while he looked), 3 movies, and then, when she just wanted to sit by him under her blanket, he sat there..engulfed in heat from the heating pad in June, sweating to death, but did not move because she finally fallen asleep.
I could go on and on and on about how good my dad has treated our WHOLE family..but I think you get the picture. This doesn't even touch what an amazing, patient, husband he is to my mom either..there isn't enough words for that. And although I don't think he reads my blog..just in case he does one day, and looks back through my posts, I want him to know that he is still my hero, my Unicorn, because men like him just don't exist :)
I love you Dad.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Weeks jumbled into 1
I have LOTS of things to say, so let's get down to it;
There is this blog that I have been reading. .....by this amazing writer, with the most incredibly sad story. And while, I'm almost addicted, I feel I've found the reason for my funk the past couple of days, well part of the reason. While I don't want to go into that because I am already getting tears in my eyes, and sniffing like my deviated septum surgery went way wrong and now I am having blood clots run down my throat... I will explain some other reasons.
I have been having some major body issues for the past hmm..umm..well week-ish. I hate body issues. H.A.T.E.
Usually....I am pretty satisfied with how I look {cost enough to anyway haha} especially if I wear blue lately with my darker hair, I don't duck when I'm passing a mirror if you catch my drift.
But lately, inside and out..not a big fan. That's neither here nor there. I'll try to think of something else to write about, not dwell on the negative stuff in my life..whoa who's mature? {totally rhetorical..cause it's me!}
I don't think TD reads this anymore, so I think I'm safe to post about my little adventure of going to visit him in New York next week. I am beyond excited about this, for a number of reasons;
First, I get to see him! That in itself is a reason for a road trip.
Second, I am driving, by myself to New York . crazy! But so dang exhilarating. I am doing some major {in my eyes anyway} by myself! Stay tuned on how it goes. As of right now, I plan on staying in West Lake on Wednesday Night, and then going from there to my final destination on Thursday. But after driving for almost 6 hours on Wednesday..hopefully I'll have some {or maybe just one?} fun stories from the road. This is coming at the perfect time too ,because I definitely need a break from people. Certain people that I shouldn't talk to or see for a while...this kind of forces me, in a good way, to do that.
I also want to send up a quick prayer for the rain to stop in time for my PBs sisters wedding tomorrow..I've heard that rain on your wedding day is good luck for the marriage..but I think brides might have a hard time believing that when they are in their white dress and want outside pictures :)
I can't believe all this rain that we are getting today. It woke me up 3 times this morning {around 2:30 I think} and it's pouring again now. {1:38pm} and I sure hope I have time to take a nap after I get home and before I go to my other job. And I really really hope that the mall isn't busy tonight. I am not in the mood for people. I am in the wrong business for sure haha.
Stay dry if your in G.R.!
There is this blog that I have been reading. .....by this amazing writer, with the most incredibly sad story. And while, I'm almost addicted, I feel I've found the reason for my funk the past couple of days, well part of the reason. While I don't want to go into that because I am already getting tears in my eyes, and sniffing like my deviated septum surgery went way wrong and now I am having blood clots run down my throat... I will explain some other reasons.
I have been having some major body issues for the past hmm..umm..well week-ish. I hate body issues. H.A.T.E.
Usually....I am pretty satisfied with how I look {cost enough to anyway haha} especially if I wear blue lately with my darker hair, I don't duck when I'm passing a mirror if you catch my drift.
But lately, inside and out..not a big fan. That's neither here nor there. I'll try to think of something else to write about, not dwell on the negative stuff in my life..whoa who's mature? {totally rhetorical..cause it's me!}
I don't think TD reads this anymore, so I think I'm safe to post about my little adventure of going to visit him in New York next week. I am beyond excited about this, for a number of reasons;
First, I get to see him! That in itself is a reason for a road trip.
Second, I am driving, by myself to New York . crazy! But so dang exhilarating. I am doing some major {in my eyes anyway} by myself! Stay tuned on how it goes. As of right now, I plan on staying in West Lake on Wednesday Night, and then going from there to my final destination on Thursday. But after driving for almost 6 hours on Wednesday..hopefully I'll have some {or maybe just one?} fun stories from the road. This is coming at the perfect time too ,because I definitely need a break from people. Certain people that I shouldn't talk to or see for a while...this kind of forces me, in a good way, to do that.
I also want to send up a quick prayer for the rain to stop in time for my PBs sisters wedding tomorrow..I've heard that rain on your wedding day is good luck for the marriage..but I think brides might have a hard time believing that when they are in their white dress and want outside pictures :)
I can't believe all this rain that we are getting today. It woke me up 3 times this morning {around 2:30 I think} and it's pouring again now. {1:38pm} and I sure hope I have time to take a nap after I get home and before I go to my other job. And I really really hope that the mall isn't busy tonight. I am not in the mood for people. I am in the wrong business for sure haha.
Stay dry if your in G.R.!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Hypothetical, of course.
Did you ever have an event that happened in your life that, in that moment, you can't imagine being anywhere else or do anything else, than just that? Even though you know it's probably not a good idea to be doing that thing?
And then, weeks after, that's all you can think about, still? And it drives you crazy? And you want nothing more than to go back and do that same thing you were doing, in that same place? Though sometimes when you look back, if you hadn't done what you were doing, you wouldn't know what you're missing now? And maybe you wouldn't be feeling the feelings your feeling?
But the more you think about it, over and over, you can finally decide. How completely and definitely you know...
it was worth it.
And then, weeks after, that's all you can think about, still? And it drives you crazy? And you want nothing more than to go back and do that same thing you were doing, in that same place? Though sometimes when you look back, if you hadn't done what you were doing, you wouldn't know what you're missing now? And maybe you wouldn't be feeling the feelings your feeling?
But the more you think about it, over and over, you can finally decide. How completely and definitely you know...
it was worth it.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A Memorable Memorial Weekend
Although I had to work every day this weekend, I still have a smile on my face from it! I had a rocky start because of a 'fight' with one of my cousins..I get that people say things when they are upset, but she is just mean sometimes. .. Anyway...I worked myself out of that mess (which surprised me that I was that upset about it..hmm) And went for a 2 mile walk in the gorgeous weather, did some laundry and just had a nice night in :) <- That was Saturday.
Sunday I worked until 4..went home and cleaned up a little so my friend MW could come over and decide what we were gong to do that night. See..we actually went to highschool together, and from the great goodness of facebook..we started talking..in January. We found out that we are definitely only friend material, but we dig that. So, a couple of months ago..he moved to North Carolina. He hearts it there. But this past weekend, one of his favorite cousins got married and he came up for that. He promised me a while ago that next time he came back home I would get a night all to myself with him..I have to be honest..I thought he was full of shit. :)
Even when he said something about hanging out..I thought we'd go out for dinner or to a movie...meet there and then part ways. BOY was I wrong. (insert yet another happy face) He came over and we decided to go downtown to Founders Brewery, I had never been there before and was pretty darn excited. I was even more excited that for once, I did not have to drive!! So we went..tried a couple (okay..3) different kinds of beer (Bourbon-ish something..pretty good...cherry something..very good..and an IPA something..G-ross). After that, it was still light out and the weather was SO nice that we decided to go for a walk. We walked through downtown to the Button, one of my favorite places to go in G.R.(MW was feeling quite masculine so he even picked me up and put me on the button! I heart being picked up..makes me feel little) . And then just walked and walked and walked. We then went to the infamous 'Tire Swing' by the Calder Plaza. Which was a little intimidating for me..because it's alittle high up and it was dark by the time we got there. But he pulled me up and then jumped off a couple of times so we could actually swing. The funniest part of the night I think was when I was trying to get down..it was still kind of swinging a little and I was afraid to just jump down..because it was dark and it was kind of high..so finally he just grabbed me right above my knees and flopped me over his shoulder and carried me through the plaza..haha. It was nice..because he was still gentle with me and didn't hurt me at all..even when we held hands.
We then went back to my condo and watched Dane Cook until I fell asleep. He woke me up so I could lock my door behind him. Whew! It was an eventful night! He is now back in N.C. though..kinda sad. But here are some pictures from our adventures on Sunday;
^ ^
This is when he was picking me up..look how red his face is! haha
Look how cute we are! haha
<- I think this one makes me laugh the most..it's also his profile picture on FB right now..haha
Ok scratch what I said...the next 2 are the funniest..enjoy!
Gangsters....
Cute
Tire Swing ->
So then..on Monday night..as I finish watching the Bachelorette (heart! go Jake!!!) I get a phone call..from my PB!! Of course we just talked and talked for about an hour and a half..and we decided that we need to get together and have a night set aside for 'deep conversations' because we're both always so tired that we never really get in to anything. So he told me to just pick a date and either I'll go there or he'll come there..and we will just talk all night. Then I get breakfast!
Ok..I am off to hang with my little cousin...have a good night!
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